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Tang Pictures Presents.../Quotes

(Tang Mansion; Tammy, Tommy, Otto and other kids go inside)
Trixie: Hi, kids. You want to watch a movie with me?
Tommy: Sure thing, mom.
D.J.: What have you got for us, Miss Tang?
Trixie: Oh, this one's a blast from the past. It's really hilarious, you're gonna love it.
Jessie: What is it?
Trixie: It's a movie that Tommy's dad made to impress me when we were your age. It's called The Greatest Movie Ever!. I'm not joking, that's what it's actually called.
Tammy: With a name like that, I'm expecting anything but greatness from it.
Greg: Tell me about it.
Trixie: Timmy made the movie for the annual Dimmadance Film Festival.
Otto: What happened that time?
Trixie: I'll explain after we watch the movie. (turns on her laptop and plays the movie; The Greatest Movie Ever!! begins with a stage hand, most likely Timmy, holding the title. Cue young Sanjay and Elmer dressed as dinosaurs standing in a sandbox with a drawn volcano as the backdrop. They screech and attack each other until Doidle bites Sanjay's tail and drags him off)
Tommy: Who was that dog that dragged uncle Sanjay's tail?
Trixie: That was Vicky's old dog, Doidle. He was like the only thing Vicky treated right back then. He sadly died a few years ago.
Marty: That's too bad.
(The movie cuts to two wooden swords in front of a drawn Gladiator-esque Coliseum backdrop. Young Sanjay and Elmer are shown poorly dressed as warriors holding wooden swords)
Young Elmer: We, who are about to die, salute you. (hits himself with the sword) Ow, my chest!
Young Sanjay: Don't be such a baby! (hits himself with the sword too) Ow, my chest!
Greg: Is that a boil on Principal Boyle's face?
Trixie: Yes. He and his wife Rose had boils when they were your age, but eventually, they got rid of them.
Marty: Interesting.
C.J.: Shh, here comes our dad's part!
Young A.J.: (sitting on a wooden chair with a drink, points with a plunger) Release the vicious man-eating lion!
(Cut to a cardboard box, where Chester busts open from it with hair done like a lion, a black nose and some whiskers. He roars, making Sanjay and Elmer scream and run away. Chester jumps in front of the backdrop and dances off-screen; the kids and Trixie laugh)
Trixie: That's my favorite part!
Greg: Why did uncle Chester dance like that?
Trixie: That's just how the movie went.
(some time has passed; the kids and Trixie continue watching the movie as it shows young Timmy wearing a helmet inside a car, steering left and right as the car shakes. He presses something)
Young A.J.: (voice-over) You turned off your targeting computer. Something wrong?
Young Timmy: Yeah, (pan out to reveal that Chester and A.J. are jumping on Timmy's dad's car and Sanjay is pushing it as Timmy's dad angrily glares at Timmy) my dad's not happy about my friends jumping on the car.
Mr. Turner: (pulls out a video camera) More gold!
(a stage hand holds a "THE END" card as the movie ends; the kids all laugh)
Tammy: That was hilarious!
Tommy: One question, though, what was grandpa Daran doing filming our dad?
Trixie: Oh, Timmy's parents were making a documentary called Stupid Questions Our Son Asks Us.
Tommy: Why would my grandparents want to make a movie like that?
Trixie: Beats me. It's a pretty stupid idea anyway. That quote-unquote "documentary" was apalling, two thumbs down!
Otto: But what about Timmy's movie?
Trixie: I didn't like it at first, and I left him a note after leaving. (hands the note she gave to Timmy several years ago to Tommy)
Tommy: (reading) "You stink! Attached is a photo of my hand. Please talk to it!"
Trixie: I instead voted for Tad and Chad's adaptation of Hamlet starring Arnold Schwartzengerman.
D.J.: You mean the one where Arnold says "Yorick, I'll be back... with weapons!"? I can't believe I said that.
Trixie: Yes, that one. Ironically, despite the audience applauding Tad and Chad for two weeks during their test screening, the film got terrible reviews and bombed at the box office when it premiered three weeks after Timmy's movie, and their Dimmy award was revoked in light of the negative reviews and they were awarded the Golden Raisin Award instead for "Worst Theater Play Adaptation". Speaking of Timmy's movie, he also made a Director's Cut version that featured Sylvester Calzone and has better special effects. As much as I like that actor and how he punched critics, I still prefer the original version.
Jessie: And what happened with Timmy that time?
Trixie: He entered his movie into the Dimmadance Film Festival, and people laughed at it non-stop for two weeks. Timmy won a Dimmy award for best comedy, but I rejected him. I wanted to applaud him for winning, since I felt pity for him after watching that awful documentary, but Tad and Chad wanted me to reject him.
D.J.: And why did you reject Mr. Turner?
Trixie: Because I said that he won the award for comedy, and everyone knows that comedy is the lowest form of entertainment, next to animation.
Marty: WHAT?! You take back what you said about animation, Miss Tang!
Trixie: But that was the past me. Now I've grown to appreciate good comedy and animation. And I thought that after watching The Greatest Movie Ever! numerous times, it's so bad, it's good, and is a cult classic of our generation. Too bad I can't say the same thing about Tad and Chad's rockstar career.
C.J.: What happened?
Trixie: There was an incident at a concert which involved a skipping record which revealed that Tad and Chad didn't sing their songs, and were lip syncing instead.
Tammy: Ouch.
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