Spouse Swapped!/Quotes

(Timmy's house; Timmy's room is covered in styrofoam, Ivan enters his room)
Ivan: Hi, Tim-(notices that he stepped in styrofoam) Uh, Timmy, what is this?
Timmy: Well, I've heard that it's Astronov and Neptunia's 9855th wedding anniversary, so I've decided to decorate my room with help from Cosmo.
Ivan: Which is why you've decided to cover your room in styrofoam? I'll have you know that I hate styrofoam, and Neptunia's allergic to it.
Timmy: What?! Why didn't you tell me this sooner?
Ivan: I'm sorry, I thought you knew.
Timmy: (sigh) This is gonna end badly.
(Timmy and Ivan's fairies poof up)
Cosmo, Wanda and Poof: Happy 9855th anniversary, Astronov and Neptunia!
Neptunia: (sneezes) What is this, styrofoam?! You know really well that I'm allergic to it, right?
Wanda: (slaps Cosmo; angrily) Cosmo, you idiot! You shouldn't have decorated Timmy's room to be made of styrofoam like you did last time!
Cosmo: Like the false anger anniversary which I thought was real anger?
Wanda: Yeah, but this time, I'm really angry with you! Cosmo, forgetting our anniversary is one thing, but ruining the anniversary of another fairy couple? That's just inexcusable!
Poof: Mom, dad, can you please stop fighting?
Wanda: Sure, Poof. (to Cosmo) I'll be taking care of Poof on my own this time, and I don't need your help. (poofs away)
Cosmo: Well, fine! I don't need you either. I'm going back to Mama Cosma! (poofs away)
Ivan: Now that's just sad.
Timmy: To be fair, Cosmo and Wanda did break up once before Poof was born.
Ivan: I see. Neptunia, I wish Timmy's room was back to normal, with no styrofoam.
(Neptunia raises her wand, but sneezes due to the styrofoam, and ends up trashing Timmy's room, but getting rid of the styrofoam)
Astronov: (angrily) Neptunia, what is wrong with you?
Neptunia: What's wrong with me?
Astronov: After Cosmo & Wanda split up, you ruined Timmy's room? Why?!
Neptunia: I DON'T KNOW! Some things just slip up in my brain! Besides, I didn't mean to do it, it's that stupid allergy that I have.
Ivan: I specifically wished for Timmy's room to go back to normal, not make it worse.
Astronov: Well, Ivan, you should've relied on the smart fairy for this job. (raises his wand; CLEAN POOF!)
Ivan: That's better, and I'll be sure to keep that in mind next time.
Astronov: (to Neptunia) You're pretty much the female equivalent of Cosmo! You're not bright, big words confuse you, and worst of all, you have the attention span of a rodent!
Neptunia: At least I'm smarter than him!
Astronov: Only a little bit!
Ivan: Now, now, guys, why don't you both just calm down?
Neptunia: Both? (yelling) I'M COMPLETELY CALM!!!
Timmy: No, you're not!
Astronov: Not to mention, your temper is out of control and you blow up over every little thing when I'm not around!
Neptunia: Well, at least I feel something, as opposed to you! I seem to be into more fun than you are! You're just a big nag!
Astronov: NAG?! That's it! We're through! (poofs away)
Neptunia: It's over, Astronov, I'm taking my half of the magic with me! (poofs away)
Ivan: Great, my fairy godparents broke up with each other. And on their wedding anniversary, too!
Timmy: That's two fairy couples in a row. Must be a new record.

(in Fairy World)
Neptunia: Ugh, Astronov always nags about something! He's just like Wanda! At least I broke up with him. (sees Cosmo in the distance) Alright, it's time to start living again! (to Cosmo) Hi, Cosmo!
Cosmo: (angry) Neptunia?! What are you doing here? Can't you see I'm still bitter about breaking up with Wanda?
Neptunia: Sorry, Cosmo. I'm kind of bitter too, since I broke up with Astronov, who's a nag like Wanda.
Cosmo: (surprised) Really? Huh, what a coincidence! (holds hands with her) So, uh, now that we're both single, you want to come over to my mother's home? We can live together there...that is, assuming my mother will be okay with you around.
Neptunia: Your mother, Mama Cosma? The one that really dislikes Wanda?
Cosmo: Bingo!
Neptunia: Sounds great... handsome.
Cosmo: (nervously laughs, blushing) Kind of awkward, huh?
Neptunia: (blushing aswell) Yeah. Astronov told me that I'm the female equivalent of you.
Cosmo: I'll take that as a compliment.
Neptunia: Promise me you won't give me anything made out of styrofoam.
Cosmo: I'll try.

(Cosmo and Neptunia come over to Mama Cosma's house)
Cosmo: Mama, I... I broke up with Wanda.
Mama Cosma: Really? That's great! Who is this girl?
Cosmo: Oh, that's Neptunia, she broke up with Astronov and became my girlfriend. She and I pretty much think alike, and she's so pretty!
Neptunia: Oh, stop!
Mama Cosma: Hmm, I guess I won't be needing these for now. (pulls out the Star and Twinkle fairy robots, who have their eyes closed, and puts them in her closet) Well, I'm just glad that my boy has found another love, and one that's almost exactly like my son! Normally, I don't accept any real fairy girls around the house and only allow robot fairies, but in Neptunia's case, I'll make an exception.
Neptunia: (excited) THANK YOU, MAMA COSMA! (calm) Seriously, thanks. (to Cosmo) Your mother's great, Cosmo! I love you! (hugs Cosmo, who sighs, lovestruck)

Astronov: It's not fair. Why does she keep ruining things?! I try to be as cautious as possible, but Neptunia just keeps on causing more danger to Ivan! Not all the time, though, but the point still stands. (sigh) Just like High School all over again... I just need someone who's as careful as I am. (looks over at Wanda with Poof) Maybe there's another way...
Wanda: Without Cosmo, I'm left to be responsible for my baby! When I'm gone for a while, who's gonna take care of him?
Astronov: Hi, Wanda. I know that you broke up with that idiot Cosmo, I broke up with my idiot wife, Neptunia. The point is that I can take care of Poof while you're gone.
Wanda: Really? Oh, thanks, Astronov! I don't know what I'll do without you!
Astronov: Just remember that I'll always be there for you.
Wanda: I will, Astronov. Have you met my father, Big Daddy?
Astronov: No. What's he like?
Wanda: He may look tough and is hard to get along with, but he has a soft side once you get to know him. He really loves me and my twin sister, Blonda. I haven't seen my dad since Mama Cosma kidnapped him and we rescued him.
Poof: So, he doesn't know about me?
Wanda: No. Did I mention that my father likes to sleep with a pink horse head plushie named Mr. Neigh-Neigh?
Astronov: This Big Daddy sounds like a weird guy.
Wanda: That's because he is a weird guy.

(Astronov and Wanda come over to Big Daddy's house)
Wanda: Hi, daddy. Long time no see!
Big Daddy: Hello, sugar plum, it's good to see you again. (pointing at Poof) What's that thing?
Wanda: That's your grandson, Poof.
Poof: Hi, grandpa Big Daddy.
Big Daddy: All this time you manage to raise a godkid, and you didn't even bother to call me up about it when you gave birth to him?! Why is that?
Wanda: You were busy paying attention to my sister, Blonda.
Big Daddy: Oh. You know, I thought this sort of news would spread over to Fairywood, but I guess not.
Wanda: And Cosmo's now spending some time being divorced.
Big Daddy: Oh...sorry to hear that, Wanda. Who's this guy?
Astronov: I'm Astronov, pleased to meet you. I broke up with Neptunia and decided to go with Wanda, she and I pretty much think alike.
Big Daddy: I have a feeling we would be great partners.
Astronov: Okay. What's your business?
Big Daddy: I run a company called Big Daddy's Trash Removal. I know all about magical garbage and I've got trash-collection contracts for all of Fairy World.
Astronov: Sounds nice.
Big Daddy: But should you mess with me, you're gonna disappear.
Astronov: (gulps) I'll be good.
Big Daddy: I hope so. (to Poof) And please, Poof, call me Big Grandpa.
Poof: Okay, Big Grandpa.

(At Mama Cosma's place, Cosmo sits down and starts watching TV. Neptunia is in a bath robe, with her hair tied up and is wearing a mud mask. She flies to Cosmo, holding a few dresses)
Neptunia: Cosmo, what do think? This? Or this? Which goes better with my eyes?
Cosmo: Just pick something!
Neptunia: Oh, I give up! (flies into bathroom, a splash is heard) Would it kill you to leave the lid down?
Cosmo: Would it kill you to look before you sit, Neptunia?
Mama Cosma: Would you like some cookies, Cosmo? I've made them in the likeness of you and Neptunia!
Cosmo: Sweet! Of course I'd like one of the cookies! (takes a heart-shaped cookie with Cosmo & Neptunia on it and eats one) Mmmm, these cookies are great!
Mama Cosma: Glad you like them! (to Neptunia, who poofs up near Mama Cosma) I've made you a new costume! Would you like to try it out?
Neptunia: Well, I don't see why not. (she goes offscreen) Wow, it looks great! (comes back, this time wearing an outfit similar to Star and Twinkle, consisting of white boots, a white skirt with dark blue edges and a white short shirt with no sleeves) How do I look, Cosmo? Tell me I'm pretty!
Cosmo: (his jaw drops from Neptunia's beauty, he blushes) I'm... I'm speechless, Neptunia. Of course, you look pretty!
Neptunia: Why, thank you, Cosmo! (kisses him on the cheek)
Cosmo: This is the best day of my life.

(at Dimmsdale Mall)
Jorgen: (whispering) Psst. Over here!
Ivan: Jorgen? What are you doing here?
Jorgen: I came here as fast as I could when I heard the news.
Timmy: Yeah, we know that we don't have fairy godparents now!
Jorgen: No, you still have them, they just swapped their spouses.
Ivan: Oh, I see. Now how are we supposed to fix this mess?
Jorgen: Well, you must convince them to get back together.
Timmy: I wish we were in Fairy World!
Jorgen: Timmy, Ivan, getting a human to Fairy World takes a lot of magic. When your fairies aren't in tune with each other, it's almost impossible.
Timmy: He's got a point there.
Ivan: No matter. I still wish we were in Fairy World.
Jorgen: Okay then, good luck.

(Timmy and Ivan get sent to Fairy World)
Ivan: We need to find Cosmo. Now, where would he normally be?
Timmy: Well, usually, when he is without Wanda, Cosmo goes to live with his own mother, Mama Cosma.

Ivan: Astronov? What are you doing dating Wanda?
Wanda: Oh, hi, Timmy & Ivan. You see, it all started when Astronov offered to take care of Poof in case I'm gone somewhere, and one thing lead to another.
Astronov: Isn't it great, Ivan? I finally found my perfect match! Wanda's smart, just like me, and we think exactly alike about stuff. We're dating again, just like back in High School.
Ivan: It sure sounds wonderful for you.
Wanda: Me and Astronov live with my father now.
Timmy: Big Daddy.
Ivan: Who?
Timmy: Wanda's dad. He is Fairy World's garbage fairy, and his company, Big Daddy's Trash Removal, takes care of all the garbage stuff for Fairy World and garbage-related wishes made by godchildren.
Astronov: He's a nice guy, in my opinion.
Ivan: Well, I hope you'll be fine together.
Timmy: Yeah, see ya later! (he and Ivan run off)

Ivan: If Astronov is with Wanda and Big Daddy...
Timmy: Then that means Neptunia's with Cosmo and Mama Cosma! Let's go!
(they run to Mama Cosma's house)
Mama Cosma: Hello, boys! What are you doing here?
Ivan: Hi, Mama Cosma! We're just here to pay your son a visit.
Mama Cosma: Cosmo's upstairs.
Timmy: Thanks!
(Ivan & Timmy go upstairs and accidentally bump into Neptunia in her new clothes)
Ivan: Hi, Neptunia! You look beautiful in those clothes.
Neptunia: Thanks, Mama Cosma made it for me. I'm so glad you're both here!
Ivan: You are? So, how's your love life? Things aren't working out with Cosmo?
Neptunia: Actually... they are! (Ivan & Timmy gasp) He's a very nice, handsome gentleman! We think exactly alike, too!
Cosmo: (comes out of his room, covered in kiss marks) Plus, Neptunia and I are great kissers!
Timmy: The heck is going on here? Did Mama Cosma brainwash you?
Neptunia: No! Mama Cosma's actually a very nice fairy, she treats me with respect and I genuinely love Cosmo! We were practically made for each other! (she and Cosmo kiss)
Cosmo: Also, Neptunia doesn't nag all the time like Wanda does!
Timmy: Well, you got me there. But I'm sure Mama Cosma turned Neptunia into a robot that's programmed to love Cosmo like how she made those robots, Star and Twinkle!
Neptunia: WHAT?! You think I'm a robot?!
Ivan: Da, that's what Timmy thinks. (slaps him)
Timmy: OW! What was that for?
Ivan: Timmy, you dingus! Neptunia is not a robot! And appearantely, she developed romantic feelings towards Cosmo way before meeting Mama Cosma.
Timmy: Oh, I see.
Cosmo: Now, can you please leave? If you'll excuse me, I'm going to spend some quality time with Neptunia.
Timmy: Of course, Cosmo. Sorry to disturb you both. (to Ivan) Let's get out of here.

(Ivan and Timmy walk out of the house, Ivan grabs a cookie and eats it on the way)
Ivan: Tasty! Thanks for the cookies, Mama Cosma!
Mama Cosma: You're welcome!
Ivan: Y'know, Neptunia's right, Mama Cosma is a nice fairy.
Timmy: Yeah, but she hates Wanda. Could you imagine if you or me had Cosmo & Neptunia as fairy godparents? The horror would be unimaginable!
Ivan: You're right. But at least having Astronov & Wanda would be a fair advantage. Although, now that I think about it, they would be a bit strict...
Timmy: We gotta make them re-unite...
Ivan: But how do we do that?
Jorgen: (poofs up next to Timmy and Ivan) By making them participate in a game show!
Ivan: That's stupid.
Jorgen: I'm sorry, but that's how Da Rules go, unfortunately. You can't just wish for them to get back together!
Timmy: I suppose you're right.
Ivan: And what game show should our fairies participate in to get back together?
Jorgen: The Fairy Dating Game, hosted by Cupid!
Ivan: Oh, okay. Thanks for the tip, Jorgen. (Jorgen disappears) What should we do?
Timmy: We gotta write a letter to one of our fairies.
Ivan: I can write a letter to Cosmo, pretending it's from Wanda.
Timmy: Good thinking. I know for certain that Cosmo can't write.

(Mama Cosma's house, Cosmo watching TV, hitting sounds are heard from the TV)
Cosmo: That dog is beating up his owner with an oar! Seriously, who does that?! I do kinda miss Wanda's nagging, though, I feel kind of empty inside.
Neptunia: Aren't you happy with me?
Cosmo: Of course I am, Neptunia, but without Wanda's nagging, it's just not the same, you know?
(a knock on the door is heard, Mama Cosma answers the door and spots a letter outside, picks it up, reads it)
Mama Cosma: So, Wanda's looking for a challenge to see if they can choose each other all over again, huh? (writes on a piece of paper) Well, two can play at that game!
(Big Daddy's house; Astronov is looking around the house and finds Mr. Neigh-Neigh)
Astronov: Look, Big Daddy, I found your horse head, Mr. Neigh-Neigh.
Big Daddy: Thank you, I always forget where I left it.
(a knock on the door is heard; Big Daddy answers it and sees the letter)
Big Daddy: (gasp) Mama Cosma's signed up Cosmo, Wanda and someone named Neptunia at the Fairy Dating Game?
Astronov: Neptunia's my former wife. Despite me getting together with Wanda after all these years, I can't help but want to get back together with my former dimwitted wife, and hoping that she'll forgive me for that styrofoam incident.
Big Daddy: Then I'm signing you up for the Fairy Dating Game too.
Astronov: Wait, what?

(cut to the set of the Fairy Dating Game)
Announcer: It's the Fairy Dating Game, the show where fairies find the fairies of their fairy dreams! They may find new love, rekindle their old flames, and see if they were meant for each other!
Ivan: Have your fairies been on this show before, Timmy?
Timmy: Yeah, they've been here once.
Announcer: And now, here's the host of the Fairy Dating Game: Wallet!
Timmy: (wide-eyed) Wallet?!
Wallet: (poofs up) Hi there! Welcome to the Fairy Dating Game! We have two contestants today, who both recently broke up with their wives. They are mama's boy Cosmo...
Cosmo: I'm not a...actually, yes, I am a mama's boy, Waffle.
Wallet: It's Wallet. And the naggy, monocle-wearing Astronov.
Astronov: First off, I'm not a nag, and second, I wear a monocle because of an incident I had back in High School.
Wallet: Did it involve your spouse?
Astronov: No, just a certain someone who bullied me and should not be mentioned.
Ivan: What gives? I thought Jorgen said that Cupid hosted the show.
Timmy: We'll find that out later.
Wallet: Our two bachelors will now ask questions to the two lucky ladies! There's Neptunia, who's light on knowledge, but very pretty, and Wanda, a daddy's girl who managed to raise a fairy baby.
Wanda: My son Poof was also in a sitcom recently.
Wallet: Oh, how interesting.
Neptunia: This is so exciting! I'm now a fairy bachelorette again!
Wallet: What was your first time being a fairy bachelorette?
Neptunia: Before I married my husband.
Wallet: Okay, then. Now, some rules have changed in the last few times I've hosted the program, but the game is still the same: whoever you choose will be hit with Cupid's magic love arrows, which will bond them to you forever! Okay, fairy bachelorettes, ask away!
Wanda: Okay. If you found a nickel on the street, would you A) take it for yourself, or B) just ignore it and keep going?
Cosmo: Oh, this one's easy. (simultaneously with Astronov) A!
Astronov: (simultaneously with Cosmo) B!
Mama Cosma: Please, Cosmo, don't pick that pink-haired nuisance!
Big Daddy: Remember, Astronov, if you don't wanna be annoyed by dim-witted models, choose my daughter!
Neptunia: What did he say about me? (gets shot by Cupid's arrow and is silenced)
Mama Cosma: I would rather prefer Cosmo marrying Neptunia than Wanda, so (poofs up a bag of money) why don't you have some cash to buy something nice?
Wallet: Sounds tempting, but no.
Mama Cosma: What?!
Wallet: Yeah, ever since I started dating Cupid and took over as the host for his show, I implemented a rule that the host will not be bribed with money.
Timmy: Oh, so she's dating Cupid and took over as host.
Ivan: That makes sense.
Wallet: And besides, this money you just gave me is fake!
Mama Cosma: Hey, I've done it with Cupid once, and it worked back then!
Cupid: Wait a minute...I've been duped by FAKE MONEY?! That's not love, that's cheating!
Big Daddy: (gasp) Cheating? (to Mama Cosma) Of all the tactics you pull to get Cosmo and Wanda away from each other, you resort to bribing TV show hosts with counterfeit money? Even I wouldn't resort to bribery. I prefer playing things fair and square. And this is coming from a divorced fairy's perspective.
Astronov: What is he talking about?
Big Daddy: (to Wallet) The truth is...my wife, Hefty Ma, left me. After she found out that I was dating Mama Cosma behind her back, she divorced me.
Mama Cosma: I dated Big Daddy not only because we hate our children marrying each other, but also because I couldn't figure out how to transform my husband back to normal.
Cosmo: Look, mama, if Papa was here right now, whereever he is, recovering from that supposedly irreversible fly spell, he would be very disappointed in you too. I don't wanna live with a mom cheating on my dad with someone who hates my guts!
Astronov: I can't believe this. Now I dislike Mama Cosma even more than I do now.
Wallet: I haven't been this surprised since I found out that my former boyfriend Jorgen was actually married to the Tooth Fairy!
Timmy: (sneaks up to Cosmo while the cameras are focused on Big Daddy, Mama Cosma and Wallet; whispering) Here, Cosmo. (gives a bouquet of flowers to Cosmo)
Cosmo: Oh, Timmy, you shouldn't have.
Ivan: (whispers) No, give these to Neptunia.
Cosmo: Oh, right. (to Neptunia) Here you go, Neptunia.
Neptunia: Oh, Cosmo, that's so sweet. (smells the flowers, then sneezes, making the cameras focus on her) Wait a minute, these are styrofoam flowers! You promised me you wouldn't give me anything made out of styrofoam! We're through!
Cosmo: I'm so sorry! I didn't know these flowers were made of styrofoam! I DIDN'T KNOW! It's all my fault for this whole styrofoam gift.
Poof: Dad, maybe if you would've known that Neptunia was allergic to styrofoam in advance, you could've asked mom for help with the wedding anniversary gift instead of Timmy.
Astronov: Poof's right. And I just realized something. As much as I loved being with Wanda, this day is supposed to be mine and Neptunia's wedding anniversary. Maybe I was way too harsh on her today, and that moment echoed what happened in high school. Now I know that this whole styrofoam thing wasn't my fault. No matter what, my wife will always be special to me. (to Neptunia) Neptunia, can you please forgive me?
Neptunia: ...Yes. Even though we both think differently, I still love you since the moment I laid eyes on you in high school. Let's pretend that divorce never happened.
Astronov: Agreed.
(a sign above the audience says 'go aw' and the audience does so)
Wallet: Well, it's settled. The divorced constestants have reunited with each other!
Cupid: I hereby pronounce Cosmo and Wanda man and wife once again. Same goes for Astronov and Neptunia. (fires the arrows at Cosmo and Wanda, then Astronov and Neptunia, which causes the reunited couples to kiss)
Wallet: Aww, this is just like my wedding day with Cupid.
Timmy: Alright! My fairies are back together again, and so are yours, Ivan!
Ivan: I wish for a Fairy Bus back home.
(Fairy Bus arrives at the studio)
Big Daddy: If anyone needs me, I'll be at my trash company. Bye, Poof.
Poof: Bye, Big Grandpa. I hope I'll see you again soon!
Mama Cosma: Well, looks like my plan didn't work.
Poof: Will you please be nicer to my mom?
Mama Cosma: Not in a million years.
Poof: (sniffs)
Mama Cosma: Okay, maybe this one time. Wanda, it looks like you got your husband back fair and square.
Wanda: I'm glad you took your loss gracefully. Now, if you'll excuse us, our godchildren are waiting for us.
(The fairy godparents rush to the Fairy Bus, which speeds off; fade to Dimmsdale Mall)
Ivan: Let's go buy some games.
Mr. Turner: (walks up to Timmy, Ivan and their fairies) Hey, Timmy! Can you, Ivan and your floating friends get me a game?
Timmy: What game, dad?
Mr. Turner: Why, Pencil Pushing Simulator, of course?
(Timmy, Ivan and their fairies sigh)
(ending title card)

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