Playing Fire With Fire/Quotes

(Amber Home; the living room)
(Sally hiding from Alyssa while she searches for her)
Alyssa: You can't hide forever, twerpette! I'll make your life a living misery 'till the ends of the Earth!
(Stan pops up next to Sally)
Stan: Okay, your wish went exactly according to plan!
Sally: Operation: Sitter Crasher is a go!
(Stan poofs away and Sally jumps out of the couch revealing herself to Alyssa)
Sally: Okay Alyssa... (Alyssa turns her head) you caught me. Do your worst.
Alyssa: (grabs Sally by the shirt) Oh, don't worry, I will. Your misery is only gonna hurt for a second.
(alarm sets off; tasers and cattle-prods pop out from the walls)
Alyssa: What is this?!
Sally: Oh, something I've whipped up for the house just in case any "threats" can be heard.
Alyssa: (drops Sally) How did you even afford this?
Sally: Uh, internet?
Alyssa: Oh, now you're going to get it.
(a taser shocks her after hearing her threat; Alyssa gets zapped and shocked by the traps until she ran out of the house; Sally walked through the front door as she sees Alyssa running off)
Sally: Don't worry, your misery will only hurt for a few hours!
(Stan appears)
Sally: Thanks Stan, couldn't have done it without you.
Stan: My pleasure.
Mary: (pops out from the back of Stan's shirt) You think Alyssa will bug us a little less now?
Sally: I "wish".
(everyone laughs)
Stan: Let's celebrate!

(Alyssa catching her breath at the Park)
Alyssa: I don't understand it! No matter what I try, I just can't seem to make Sally's life terrible. (inhales) Perhaps if I would just throw someone out on the curb, maybe I'll feel better.
(a kids playing with a paddle ball walks onscreen and Alyssa picks him up and throws him off-screen as the kid makes a Wilhelm scream)
Alyssa: (sigh) Not even a chuckle out of me. I wish there was, like, someone magical that can help me get my babysitting confidence back and exact my revenge on Sally Amber! But that so totally wouldn't happen for like, a thousand years.
(camera in 3-D mode zooms out of the Earth straight to Anti-Fairy World, where Nats is sitting on a couch writing a list)
Nats: Let's see, what else to do in my list of universal domination and to exact my revenge of that blasted Sara Amber? #1: "Have the Pixies gain my trust until the day I betray them for the time being." #2: "Find the nearest evil person on Earth and grant his or her every evil wish and then double cross once the world is in chaos." #3 and most important one of all...: "Iron socks."
Alyssa: (heard from a distance) I wish there was, like, someone magical that can help me get my babysitting confidence back and exact my revenge on Sally Amber!
Nats: (gasp) ♪#1 will have to wa-ait!♪

(Alyssa and Harry walking on the sidewalk)
Harry: It sure was nice of you to watch over my sisters for the afternoon.
Alyssa: Yeah, today's babysitting sure was "smoking".
Harry: What exactly did you cook for them?
Alyssa: What did I cook? Oh, uh, just homemade turkey. It was a little overcooked, but they loved it.
Harry: I'll bet even Mary...
Alyssa: ...chewed that thing like bubblegum? Totally.
Harry: Yeah. Well, I better head home. (walks out)
Alyssa: Later. (blows a kiss and sees Harry walk until he wasn't seen onscreen) He's got to be the only thing in my heart that soothes my mean spirit.
(thunder and lightning appear; a shadowy figure of Nats with glowing red eyes appear slowly flying near Alyssa until his face was shown)
Alyssa: Who are you, and why should I care?
Nats: I'm the answer to your prayers.
Alyssa: You're here for my dimple problems?
Nats: Not even close, that's your problem and your problem only. My name is Nats and I... am... (eerie close up to his face) an Anti-Fairy!
(camera zooms out showing his was holding a flashlight and turns it off)
Nats: I come from a menacing world more devious than your own evil heart known as (poof up a small figure of his world) Anti-Fairy World and I am here to grant any evil wish of your desires. Think of me as your Scary GodParent.
Alyssa: So, you're saying that you can grant any wish?
Nats: Precisely. Except for making everyone dead, there are standards. But, you will bring misery to everyone you hate!
Alyssa: Oh, goody, or should I say "baddy"! There is one little thing I want to wish for.
Nats: Name your poison.
(Mary and her classmate playing tennis)
Classmate: With your strength and my athletic skills, we're sure to beat the fourth graders without even breaking a sweat.
Mary: Yeah, nothing's gonna...
(Mary's classmate slips and falls and Mary hit the ball in a weak manner)
Classmate: Suddenly I feel like sports is nothing but a cruel world of misfortune.
(scene cuts back to Alyssa watching sports on her phone seeing football players try and play but didn't have the proper strength and attitude to do it)
Alyssa: Impressive, that outta show everyone in gym class.
Nats: Wanna kick it up a notch?
(Amber's House; Sally and Stan watching TV)
Stan: This doesn't make any sense, football players' skills don't just go away.
Sally: Eh, the Dimmsdale Yankees are going downhill since the seventh tournament anyway.
(Mary walked inside looking bruised)
Sally: Mary? Goodness, what happened to you?
Mary: Oh, it was horrible! Suddenly, my classmate and I lost our ways of sports and for some reason, I wasn't strong enough to lift anything tons more than my own weight anymore. (tries to lift up the couch but failed) Not only that, but the ice-cream tasted like molten raw burgers.
Sally: (gags) Yuck!
Mary: And apparently, raccoons have been ranked to top of the most intelligent of animals, leaving monkeys the second!
Stan: How could this happen?
Sally: I don't know, but I sure don't want to live in a world where life is turned into a world of misery. Stanley, poof everything back to normal!
(Nats raised his wand; NORMAL)
(scene cuts to Alyssa and Nats bursting out laughing)
Alyssa: Okay, okay... let's see what comes next in the fifth pitch. (pulls up her phone) What?!
(football players playing perfectly again)
Alyssa: How could this happen?! This is so, like, not what I wished for! Were your wishes short-term?
Nats: Oh, I was afraid this would happen. I had nothing to do with this, it's obviously Stella Amber's doing.
Alyssa: Stella? Who's Stella?
Nats: (pulls up his wand) Perhaps these spying recordings of her might help you get the answer.
(visual of Sally and Stan; Stan poof out of his parrot disguise and grant Sally's wish; more and more recordings of Sally and Stan at random as Alyssa watched in shock)
Alyssa: That's Sally Amber, you idiot!
Nats: Please don't call me that, I don't remember her name very well.
Alyssa: Okay, but... Sally Amber... has a fairy?! Why didn't I see it before? I don't have one main enemy... I have two.
Nats: Correction: We have two main enemies. You want Sally to be miserable, and I want my opposite fairy counterpart to feel down on himself. Together, we will have our desire!
Alyssa: Yeah! So, what should we, like, do?
Nats: Catching a fairy isn't as hard as you think. You'll need the right kind of bait. And I know just what to give him.

(Amber's House; Mary lifting the table exercising)
Mary: So nice to have my strength back.
(camera moves right to Sally and Stan analyzing)
Sally: Don't mention it, sis. (to Stan) Now, let's continue on the source of the bizarre stuff going on.
Stan: It's pretty simple actually, Mary and her classmate losing their strength and athletic skills, same going with the football players, and raccoons being dominant, this is clearly the work of an Anti-Fairy and he or she clearly wasn't alone in this.
(visible steam flew through the window through Stan's nose)
Stan: (eyes wide open and inhales) Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell. A smelly smell that smells... smelly. (bulgy eyes) it's Rump Roast!
Sally: Rump Roast?
Stan: One of the fairies' main weaknesses. (flies out) I'm going after that sweet, juicy deliciousness!
Sally: Stan! Wait!
(Stan flies out of the window and sees the Rump Roast lying on a plate)
Stan: Open the mouth, pass the gums, look out stomach, here it comes!
Sally: (pops through the window) Stanley, no! Don't eat that! I mean, seriously, a rump roast in the middle of my front yard? Don't you find that a bit suspicious?
(Stan gets caught by a butterfly net by Alyssa)
Alyssa: If by suspicious, you mean, exactly according to plan?
(Sally gasps)
Alyssa: Now that your gullible fairy is in my hands, there's nothing you can do about it.
Sally: Alyssa!? But, how did you find out I have a fairy?
Nats: Let's say she had a magical answer.
Sally: Nats! I should've expected this.
Alyssa: And I bet you weren't expecting this either!
(Nats raised his wand; FOOP)

(Sally trapped in chains; Nats playing scary organ music)
Alyssa: Okay, twerpette, you've been a thorn in my side long enough, and it's time I even the odds.
Sally: What are you going to do?
Alyssa: I'm going to go inside your brain and see what can I do to cause you to be worthless and miserable for life!
Sally: No! You can't! I'll never...
Alyssa: (talking fast) Too late, your talking bores me. Nats. Send me inside!
(Nats raised his wand and poof Alyssa inside Sally's brain)
Stan: (still trapped in a net) No!
(scene skips to Alyssa inside Sally's brain and looks around and sees video screens of her)
Alyssa: Huh? Like, what is all of this? (reads) "Visual surveillance of what Alyssa Armstrong fears the most?" (gulp)
Alyssa surveillance #1: (screams) Cows and pigs in space! COWS AND PIGS IN SPACE!!
Alyssa: (looking anxious) No deal, I've gotten over that fear since I was nine.
Alyssa surveillance #2: (stops washing the dishes and pulls out her hands seeing it look elderly and gasp) My hands! They look... look... old! (runs to a mirror and sees herself look old) And... SO HAVE I!!
Alyssa: (looking a bit scared) No! It's just Sally's brain messing with me, that's all.
Alyssa surveillance #3: (looking nerdy and hideous and snot coming out of her nose) Anyone for (pulls the snot back in her nose) a game of cards?
Alyssa: Ugh!
Alyssa surveillance #4: (looking beautiful) Well, hello there.
Alyssa: (covers her eyes) No, I hate youth!
Alyssa surveillance #5: (broke and homeless) Will babysit for food.
(Alyssa chatters her teeth as more and more video screens of her were shown as the camera spins around dramatically and slowly stops; Alyssa's heart was heard pounding crazy when she slowly turned around seeing the last recording and gasps in horror)
Harry surveillance: You and I are through! (walks out) Goodbye, forever! (echo) forever... forever... forever...
Alyssa surveillance: (on her knees) I love you!! (wallowing)
(a close up with Alyssa with bloodshot eyes; scene cuts to outside of Sally where Alyssa was heard screaming in fear)
Alyssa: (heard and knocking from inside Sally) Let me out! Let me out!
(Alyssa was poofed back outside and set Sally and Stan free)
Nats: What do you think you're doing?
Alyssa: I got to get away from her for a little while. (to Sally) Do whatever you want for the rest of the day, I don't care. Just keep me away from your brain, please! (walks out quivering and shaking) No... no... Harry can't leave me! (looks around) N-no pigs or cows. (shivering) I feel like I'm getting older by the second!
Nats: Well, as soon as she gets better, there will be a comeback. (poofs away; poofs back) Count on it! (poofs away again)

(Sally's room)
Stan: I don't know what was in that brain of yours, but it sure saved us.
Sally: Well, don't get too comfy. Now that my babysitter knows my secret, we're going to have to set things straight and be prepared. Who knows if she and Nats might team up again.
Mary: Yeah. So, who wants the rest of this rump roast?
Stan: Mine! (snatches the rump roast and eats it off-screen)
Mary: Have you fairies ever considered eating something more healthy?
(screen fades to black)
(Title Card ending)

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