Chet: This is Chet Ubetcha coming to you live at the Dimmsdale Pet Audition. Kids, and parents have came to show their pets talents to demonstrate how big it is. And believe it or not, the winners talents could get even bigger. Now, if you need me, I'll be at my news van polishing my mic holding hand.
Chloe: I'm so excited.
Ivan: I can't wait to see what the award is going to be.
Neptunia: Neither can I. (poofs up a picture of her empty trophy room) This is where I'd put the trophy... IF WE'D WIN! (twitches)
Astronov: Honey, remember your blood pressure.
(to Timmy and Timantha)
Timantha: So, big brother, what do you think's gonna happen after this?
Timmy: Parade float of that looks exactly like the winners? Getting a free all you can eat buffet?
Cosmo: (to Timmy's ear) Not having to hear 24/7 nagging?
Wanda: I heard that!
Poof: So, what's going to be us fish's talent?
Timmy: I don't know, but I can tell you it's going to be super awesome.
Mr. Turner: Oh, I'm glad to hear you tell your fish that, son.
Mrs. Turner: Cause we're all going to celebrate with a free all you can eat buffet.
Timmy: I knew it!
(camera points up to a tree revealing Anti-Sparky hiding)
Anti-Sparky: A Pet Audition, huh? Not if I can deal with that. (evil laugh)
Chet: The Pet Audition is starting, and with me is 20 year champions, The Mayor of Dimmsdale and his pet mascot, Chompy the Goat.
Mayor: Thank you, Mr. Ubetcha. Chompy and I are pleased to host this Pet Audition. Right, Chompy?
Mayor: Chompy, I thought we'd agreed to put that goat business behind us.
Chompy: (angrily) Baahh, baahh!
Mayor: It was mating season! How come I've known she was your sister?
(everyone widely staring)
Mayor: (nervously laughing) Ignore what I've said. Let the auditions begin.
Mayor: First off, the Crocker's and their weird hairless cat, Girlfriend.
Crocker: Girlfriend has a very special talent that will knock your socks off.
(Anti-Sparky hiding from the curtains pulls up his tail)
(Girlfriend nearly does a talent until she throws up hair balls off-screen disgusting the other contestants)
Waxelplax: This is why he'll never get an actual girlfriend.
Mayor: Oh, not even talent worthy.
Kevin: Sorry, Uncle Denzel.
Crocker: Oh, it's alright. I'd expected this would happen. As usual, I blame you, mother.
Dolores: (pulls out her ear plugs) Sorry, you say something, Denzel?
Crocker: Oh, insult to injury.
Kevin: What's the injury?
Crocker: Losing this stupid pet audition I should've thought twice in coming.
Timmy: Something's not right.
Wanda: Taking a hairless cat to a pet audition? Cause that's never the right thing to do.
Poof: I think what he means is that Girlfriend's talent has been replaced with an awful one.
Ivan: Poof's right. Someone must be sabotaging the pets talents.
Sunny: What should we do?
Timantha: Make this a fair Pet talent show. Cosmo, (Cosmo in fairy form) we need you to investigate this mystery.
Cosmo: On it Timantha. You can count on me. (flies away)
Mayor: Next up is the Johnson's and their pet frog, Swap.
Charlotte: Instead of eating a pile of flies, Swap is going to train them on how to see thoroughly.
Viola: That way, they can have normal eye sight.
(Swap talks to the flies in fly talk, the flies fly in a straight line)
Anti-Sparky: Yes, eye sight to those morons blood, all of it.
(the flies turned giant)
Joe: Giant flies with good eye sight. Nightmare #37 has come true!
(everyone screams and runs)
Chloe: I wish the flies were back to normal!
(Astronov, Neptunia and Sunny raise their wands)
(giant flies turned back to normal)
Chompy: (quivering) Bahh?
Mayor: It's okay, Chompy, they're back to normal.
Charlotte: What the heck happened?
Timmy: We're getting right on it. Right now, it's Ivan and Chloe's turn.
Cosmo: I'm getting close to finding the mystery of this non-talent magic. Nothing is going to distract me by stopping this... Ohhh, a nickel! I'm going to name you Phillip II. (gets caught by a butterfly net) Don't worry Phillip II, nothing's going to stop me from taking you to your adoptive mother.
Anti-Sparky: What do expect?
Cosmo: A nickel family reunion?
Anti-Sparky: Uh! You're too stupid to intimidate.
Anti-Sparky: Anyway, you'll never stop me. After this, all the pets will be complete pests. (flies out)
Mayor: Last but not least, Ivan and Chloe with their pet rabbit, blue cat with hair and their hedgehog.
Ivan: My pet cat will be singing the song "My Shiny Teeth and Me" by Chip Skylark.
Chloe: While my rabbit will juggles his carrots in rhythm and my hedgehog dance hip hop style while Ivan's cat sings.
(Neptunia clears her throat and meows Chip Skylark's "My Shiny Teeth and Me" while Astronov and Sunny does their talent)
Veronica: (to Chester and Katty) Remind me to find some pet singing lessons.
Anti-Sparky: This song sickens me. Have to do something about that.
(a tiny squeaky toy cat thrown in front of Anti-Sparky)
Anti-Sparky: Oh! A squeaky toy in cat form. My favorite.
(chews on the toy and gets poured by a bucket of water)
Anti-Sparky: What in blazes? Cosmo? How'd you break free?
Cosmo: A fairies hatred towards a butterfly net knows no bounds. Also, the net was hang up top, making it easier for me to escape.
Anti-Sparky: (growls) I'll make sure you won't escape from me this time. (raise his tail and nothing happens) My magic!
Cosmo: Which doesn't work with water.
Mayor: And the winner is... Ivan and Chloe's pets.
(Chloe screaming with excitement doing cartwheels)
Timantha: You guys did it.
Ivan: I wonder why your talents didn't go away or go horribly wrong.
Cosmo: (holding Anti-Sparky with a butterfly net) Perhaps he will answer your question which sounded like a statement.
Ivan, Chloe and Timantha: Anti-Sparky?
Wanda: Sparky's Anti-Fairy. He's far more ruthless than he is.
Chloe: That explains the talent shows mishaps.
Timantha: And that also explains why he's going back to where he came from.
(fairies poof a portal and threw Anti-Sparky away)
(Ivan and Chloe celebrating with parade floats that look like them while having and all you can ear buffet)
Sunny: This is amazing.
Ivan: The parade floats or the buffet?
(Timmy his sister and parents dig inside the pile of buffet)
(camera points to Crocker and girlfriend)
Crocker: C'mon, Girlfriend, the secret entrance is this way.