It Takes a Genie-us/Quotes

(The Amber's House; Mary is watching Sally grant Stan wishes)
Mary: (sigh) How come I don't have a fairy godparent like my sister?
Stu: (walks over to Mary) Mary, are you jealous because Sally's spending more time with that parrot?
Mary: No. It's just that I can't seem to get Sally's parrot out of my mind.
Stu: (holds a table lamp) Well, I bought this old table lamp for a cheap price at a thrift store. I have no use for it, so you can have it. Maybe it'll help you take your mind off her parrot.
Mary: Gee, thanks dad.
Stu: You're welcome.
(Mary takes it upstairs to her room)
Mary: Ew, this lamp's dirty! (blows the dust off of it, then rubs it with a towel a few times, the lamp shakes) What the-?
(a female genie comes out of the lamp)
Lea: What happened? (looks at her lamp) Oh, great, someone threw my lamp in the trash again!
Mary: (gasp) I don't believe my eyes! You're a genie!
Lea: What's the matter, little girl? You never seen a genie before?
Mary: Well, I only saw them in cartoons and fairy tales, but never in real life.
Lea: I thought so. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Lea! (a bright sign saying "Lea, a Magical Genie" appears above her) I'm a magical genie, but you already know that.
Mary: My name's Mary.
Lea: (shakes hands with Mary) Pleased to meet you. For freeing me from the lamp, you get 3 wishes! So, my master, what's your first wish gonna be?
Mary: That'll have to wait. I gotta show you to my sister Sally and her fairy godparent, Stan! (she and Lea go outside the Amber's house to Sally and Stan in his parrot disguise) Hey, Sally! I have a new friend who grants wishes! Her name's Lea, and she's a magical genie!
(pause, Sally laughs)
Sally: I thought genies only existed in cartoons and fairy tales!
Mary: But Lea's real, I tell you.
Stan: Your sister's right, Sally. Genies are real. But I don't think genies can be trusted, because they're tricky, like that jerk Norm.
Lea: Don't say that name in front of me! Norm's a big bully, I've been having a feud with that vest wearing slob for the last 10,000 years! I can grant Mary 3 wishes. How many wishes can you grant, grandpa?
Stan: I can grant as many wishes as I can, assuming the magic in my wand doesn't run out.
Lea: You have limited magic? Well, mine's unlimited! I was granting wishes while you were in your diapers!
Sally: Mary, you don't need her! I can loan you Stan if you want. He can grant wishes too, and as many as he can unless he runs out of magic in his wand.
Lea: Did I mention my wishes are rule-free?
Stan: So what?
Sally: Well, Stan's wishes sometimes tended to bite me in the butt, like how I can't wish for money anymore.
Mary: But Lea has rule-free wishes!
Sally: Even without rules, Mary, you still have to be really careful what you wish for!
Mary: For my first wish, I'll start with something simple, just to be safe. I wish for...an ice cream truck to land on me.
Lea: Are you sure? I don't want you getting hurt.
Mary: I'm super strong. I can lift the ice cream truck with my hands.
Lea: Okay. (snaps her fingers, an ice cream truck falls from the sky on top of Mary; Sally gasps, but Mary lifts the truck with her hands and puts it to the side) Wow! You weren't kidding when you said you were super strong! Next time, though, don't wish for cars or trucks to land on you.
Sally: Can I have some ice cream? (Mary hands her an ice cream cone) Thanks.
Lea: Okay, Mary, that's one wish down. You have two more left. What's it gonna be?
Mary: I don't know yet. Let me think about it....Hmm...
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