Timmy: Since I've become nicer to Tootie, I made a promise to attend her birthday parties. Oh, and what about your birthdays, Ivan?
Astronov: Ivan's just as miserable as you. (flashback shows footage of Ivan's birthday party in Russia, with a birthday cake, a present, and no one else except him and his parents)
Xenia and Hadwin: С днем рождения! (Happy birthday!)
(past Ivan sighs; end flashback)
Ivan: At least I had the advantage of being an only child and having fairy godparents. (thinks and a shining light bulb appears at the top of his head) Wait, I got it!
(camera zooms out revealing Cosmo was holding the light bulb)
Ivan: I have an idea. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to share my fairies with Tootie!
Chloe: But Ivan, you're already sharing them with me.
Ivan: I know. Plus, I'm aware that Vicky has been ruining Tootie's birthdays since her fourth birthday, but this time, it's gonna be different. Vicky will not ruin mine and Tootie's birthday, because she won't be invited!
(the next day; the Prestonovich's house)
Sunny: It's almost time!
Neptunia: So, are you ready, scamp?
Ivan: Ready as I'll ever be. I can't afford to have another lonely birthday. I wish you were mine and Tootie's fairy godparents for the rest of our birthday! To Vicky's house!
(Astronov, Neptunia and Sunny wave their wands; FAIRY LOAN! Ivan and his fairies teleport to Tootie's room, where she's still asleep.)
Ivan: Good morning, Tootie, and happy birthday.
Tootie: (wakes up) Good morning, thanks, and happy birthday to you too, Ivan.
Ivan: I have a little (pulls out a Magic 9-Ball) surprise for you.
Tootie: A Magic 9-Ball?
Ivan: Go on. Ask anything it wants to hear.
Tootie: Will I have the best birthday this year?
(Tootie shakes the Magic 9-Ball and it says...)
Tootie: (gasp) "You can bet on it!"
(the ball cracks open and magic aura appears swirling around revealing to be Astronov, Neptunia and Sunny)
Astronov, Neptunia and Sunny: Hi, Tootie! We're... ("Fairy Godparents" sign appears) your fairy godparents for the rest of your birthday! (The "parents" word falls and squishes Astronov)
Ivan: Consider this as a birthday gift from me. For the rest of the birthday, you get to share fairies with me.
Tootie: Wow! I wish I-
Ivan: (covers her mouth) Hold it, Tootie! Before you start wishing for things, you should read Da Rules first.
Sunny: Ivan's right. There are lots of rules here, with the most important one being you can never reveal the existence of your fairies, or we will go away forever.
Astronov: Besides, you don't want to repeat the same mistake like you almost did last year.
Neptunia: And I've heard that Cosmo and Wanda didn't bring up Da Rules to you when Timmy loaned them to you.
Astronov: That was a pretty stupid move.
Tootie: Oh...I see.
Sunny: But I've heard that it wasn't their fault, it was yours, because you were too excited and impatient.
Tootie: Well, I can assure you that it ain't gonna happen this time! Ever since my last birthday, I've grown wiser, stronger, less creepy and more patient.
Ivan: And if something happens to you when you're about to reveal your fairies, I'll try to restrain you.
Neptunia: You understand Da Rules now, Tootie? Because I didn't.
Ivan: Now, next thing to do is... (whispers to Tootie) Got it?
Tootie: Got it.
Ivan: Okay, let's do this. Say it with me Tootie, on the count of three. One, two, three!
Ivan and Tootie: We wish we could have a big birthday party! So big, that every person in Dimmsdale comes and brings us presents!
Ivan: Except for Vicky.
Astronov: Anything else?
Ivan: This party shall be celebrated at Mike E. Mozzarella's Pizza Fun House!
Astronov, Neptunia and Sunny: Done and done!
(Astronov, Neptunia and Sunny wave their wands; SENDING INVITATIONS!)
(a mailman arrives to Timmy's house with an oversized envelope)
Mailman #1: Ridiculously oversized novelty invitation for Timmy and Timantha Turner.
(The envelope unfolds, revealing cardboard cutouts of Tootie and Ivan, whose hands hold two free passes to Mike E. Mozzarella's for Ivan and Tootie's party. Timmy and Timantha take them)
Timmy: Two free passes to Mike E. Mozzarella's? Fantastic!
Timantha: Now, big brother, remember, those aren't just free passes to the restaurant, those are also invitations to Tootie and Ivan's birthday party.
Timmy: Yeah, of course.
(The Tang Mansion, a mailman arrives)
Mailman #2: Special delivery for Trixie Tang.
(Trixie opens up the envelope, revealing a free pass to Mike E. Mozzarella's for Ivan and Tootie's party)
Trixie: A free pass to Mike E. Mozzarella's and an invitation to Ivan and Tootie's birthday party? Well, that's an unexpected, but kind invitation. This is gonna be a blast! (leans against a lever; which then sets off a spring trap under the mailman; launching him into the air) Whoops. (walks away, whistling innocently)
(The Carmichael's home, a man dressed as the restaurant's mascot, Mike, rings the doorbell, Chloe answers the door)
Mike: This is a reminder about Tootie and Ivan's birthday party this Friday. Ready? And tell me that you don't have any crazy cats.
Chloe: I'm ready! And I don't have any cats.
(cue split-screen of various people receiving invitations to Ivan and Tootie's party and cheering)
John: Oh, Vicky!
Nicky: Your father and I are going to Ivan and Tootie's birthday party at (pulls out their free passes) Mike E. Mozzarella's!
Vicky: Oooh, (tries to take a pass) can I come?
John and Nicky: (quickly pulls their passes near them before Vicky could swipe one) NO!!!
John: There's a reason why you don't deserve a free pass to your sister's birthday party. You've already tortured Tootie enough so many birthdays ago, and it's time for that to stop.
Nicky: That's why you're staying at home. If you come to Mike E. Mozzarella's and try to ruin your sister's birthday, you'll be grounded!
(John and Nicky shut the door, leaving Vicky alone in the house)
Vicky: I miss my parents being big cowards. But at least I have you, Doidle. (pets Doidle)
(Zack and Crocker pop out onscreen through a window)
Mr. Crocker: Hello, Vicky.
Vicky: Mr. Crocker? What are you doing here? And who's the grouch with the beard?
Zack: I'm Zack Harrison, ex-government agent turned fairy hunter. I'm here to help Mr. Crocker reveal fairy godparents to the world.
Mr. Crocker: Is there something wrong?
Vicky: My parents left me at home and went to attend Tootie's birthday party without me.
Zack: Well, that sounds rather harsh.
Vicky: To be fair, though, I deserved it, after I tortured my sister so many times during her birthdays.
Mr. Crocker: And I've heard that today is that Russian kid Ivan's birthday as well.
Zack: Hmm... I can take you to Ivan and Tootie's birthday party. I've heard that the party is at Mike E. Mozzarella's Pizza Fun House.
Vicky: You mean that same place where the pink-hatted twerp deliberately ignored my sister's birthday invitations and only used the free passes for the fun house?
Vicky: Wow, that means I get to ruin two birthdays for the price of one! Can Doidle come too? (Doidle barks)
Mr. Crocker: Sure, the more the merrier!
Vicky: Alright! (looks through her window) Look out sis, when I show up at your birthday today, you're gonna lose a lot more than your presents! (evil laugh; throws a dart at a picture of Tootie getting her toys flamed by Vicky, but the dart went to Vicky's eye; her eyes are wide open for a few seconds upon seeing the picture of her getting darted in the eye) Guess my aim's a little off today.
(BIRTHDAY FIESTA!; Mike E. Mozzarella's Pizza Fun House)
Chet Ubetcha: Good afternoon, I'm Chet Ubetcha, and it's Party Central here at Mike E. Mozzarella's Pizza Fun House, as everyone is gearing up for the birthdays of Ivan Prestonovich and Tootie Miller!
(Tootie and Ivan enter the restaurant in fancy clothes, with Timmy and Chloe following them. Chloe twitches)
Ivan: What is it, Chloe?
Chloe: I'm not sure. I feel... a disturbance.
Ivan: If it's Crocker again, don't worry, I already told Tootie about Da Rules to never reveal her fairies.
Timmy: Good call, Ivan.
Ash: (heard) Timmy Turner? (onscreen) Is that you?
Ash: It's good to see you too. And since I'm here, I have come to warn you about something.
Ivan: What is it?
Ash: My dad, Zack Harrison and Mr. Crocker are on their way to ruin Ivan and Tootie's birthday party!
Tootie: OH NO!!!
Chloe: Calm down, we can handle it.
Timmy: Harrison? You're the son of Zack Harrison and our school teacher, Erika Harrison?
Ash: Yes, yes I am. But don't worry, I'm on your side.
Timmy: How do you know that Crocker and your dad are planning to ruin Ivan and Tootie's birthday party? Are you even invited?
Ash: (holds the invitation) I have it in my hand. See? And I know that because my dad said he was going to get Mr. Crocker to do some important things.
Timmy: What important things?
Ash: Since dad mentioned Mr. Crocker, my guess is to reveal the existence of fairies in Tootie and Ivan's birthday party.
Chloe: So that explains the disturbance.
Timmy: How do you know about me and my fairy godparents?
Ash: Sally told me all about you and your adventures. Don't worry, your secret's safe with me.
Ivan: Aren't you gonna help us, Ash?
Ash: I'm sorry, but you're on your own for now.
Timantha: If you're not going to help us, then where are you going?
Ash: I'm going to play in the Pellet Pit with Sally.
Ivan: Okay, have fun, Ash. (Francis approaches Ivan) Uh-oh...
(Tootie karate chops Francis on the shoulder, knocking him out cold)
Ivan: Thanks, Tootie.
Tootie: No problem. And I thought there would be no enemies in our birthday party.
Ivan: Well, we did wish for every person in Dimmsdale to come and bring us presents.
Tootie: Good point.
Ivan: I wonder what present Francis has brought me? (digs into Francis' pocket, and finds deodorant spray) Alright, deodorant spray! (sprays his armpits) This is gonna come in handy during my dates with Chloe.
Tootie: (sniffs) And my dates with Timmy...
Ivan: Yeah. Sometimes, even enemies can bring great presents. (looks down at an unconscious Francis) Especially for someone who hates taking baths. (sees Brianna walking up to him) Oh, hi, Brianna!
Brianna: Hi, Ivan, it's your birthday, innit?
Ivan: Yes, and it's also my friend Tootie's birthday. We were born on the same day.
Brianna: Fascinating. (to Chloe) You won't mind if I kiss Ivan, Chloe?
Chloe: No, I won't. Go ahead, it's his birthday, he earned it.
(Brianna kisses Ivan on the cheek; Ivan blushes)
Brianna: Happy birthday, Ivan.
Ivan: Thanks, Brianna. (to Timmy with a smirk) Well, Timmy, now we're even.
Timmy: Fair enough. (looks down) Hey, look. (picks up a birthday card) It's one of those cards where you can record your own message.
Ivan: Let me see. (grabs the card and opens it)
Betty: (voice) Hi, Ivan, it's Betty. Wanted to wish you and Tootie a happy birthday all the way from New Orleans. Speaking of "wish", be careful what you wish for on your special day. Who knows if one of your enemies get suspicious. Okay, bye and happy birthday!
(Ivan closes the card)
Timantha: Supportive words from Betty Star, as usual.
Chloe: She does make a good point though.
Timmy: Yeah, (walks off-screen along with the others) if one of our enemies was eavesdropping on the party, who knows what'll happen.
Crocker: (pops out from a window with Zack and Vicky) You're about to find out, Timmy Turner!
Zack: Okay, time for the big plan. We kick the doors down, put painful shock collars on everyone in the party it they try to escape and reveal the existence of Four Eyes' fairies!
Crocker: Seriously, just like that?
Vicky: Yeah, that plan's so simple, even I wouldn't cheer for myself for victory.
Zack: You got a better plan?
Vicky: You bet your lightning bolt on your belt I do.
Xenia: Everyone gather around.
(everyone in the restaurant gathered around)
Xenia: (as Hadwin made the lights dim) Now, it's time to sing Happy Birthday to Tootie and to my (rubs Ivan's head) special little man.
Nicky: This is it, honey. (in tears) Our little girl is finally having the perfect birthday she always dreamed of!
John: And with Vicky not around ruining it, I don't see how this is going to turn bad.
Hadwin: On three, sing Happy Birthday! One, two, three!
Guests: ♪Happy Birthday to you♪
(as everyone was singing Happy Birthday, Mr. Crocker and Zack as they kidnapped Mike and take his rat costume and put it on Vicky)
All: ...to you♪
(Nancy and Lorraine walk up front with the cake; Ivan and Tootie blow out the candles; everyone cheers and applauds)
Nicky: So, what did you two wish for?
Zack: (off-screen) More misery!
(everyone turned around wondering who it was; camera reveals to be Mr. Crocker and Zack)
Zack: Once we're done here, this party will be officially over!
Timmy: Mr. Crocker?!
Sally: Zack Harrison?!
Ivan: What are they doing here? (to his fairies disguised as presents) I thought we promised a "no enemies" policy.
Neptunia: Hey, Francis is here and he brought you a nice gift.
Crocker: To start this bash for the birthday boy and girl, we gave Mike the Rat mascot a little performance.
Vicky: (in disguise with a gruffly voice) This is for the birthday brats! (makes a lousy dance and blasts confetti at Elmer and Rose, Chet, and Daran and Nataliya)
Nataliya: (as she and Mr. Turner wipes the confetti off their faces) What a cheesy performance. And that's saying something due to the man in the rat costume.
Daran: Is it me or is the mascot's aim a little off today?
Vicky: (in disguise with a gruffly voice) And now, (pulls out a blue glowing cube) here's my present.
Sally: That's one of Zack's fairy capturing devices. Timmy, Timantha, you two might want to take a few steps back.
(Timmy, Timantha and Sally take a few steps back while carrying their fairies disguised as presents; Vicky drops the cube and it pops open as an electrical cage, trapping everyone)
Zack: Now that you're all trapped, we have something for all of you to know.
Erika: I should've known Zack would've stooped to kidnapping! Makes me glad I divorced that lunatic.
Crocker: You're probably wondering why these two kids pulled out the best birthday party? (as he talks Ivan sees Timmy as he mouths to him, "improvise") No?
Zack: Well, it's very simple, these two have...
Ivan: Wait! It's my birthday, so I'll be the one to reveal the secret.
Zack: Um, okay.
Ivan: You want to know how Tootie and I were able to make this the best birthday party of our young lives? Well then, I'll tell you.
(Ivan's fairies gasp; Crocker and Zack pull out their cameras)
Ivan: The reason why is because... we were forced to do so, all thanks to (point at Crocker and Zack) these two.
Crocker and Zack: What?!
Ivan: No use denying it. We wanted to have a decent birthday, but instead you two forced us to make it a bash. (winks at Tootie)
Tootie: Yeah! (pretends to dig through her pockets) And, I sure wish I got some proof for that.
(Astronov, Neptunia and Sunny poof up a fake picture inside Tootie's pocket when no one was looking)
Tootie: (pulls the picture out of her pocket) Oh, wait, I do. See?
(everyone gasps as they see a fake picture of Ivan and Tootie with painful shock collars being forced by Crocker and Zack to have a big birthday party)
Clark: The evidence is clearly no lie. They were being forced to have a big birthday party!
Connie: Such disgraceful child abuse!
(everyone angrily glares at Crocker and Zack)
Zack: What?! No! W-we...
(everyone lashes out on Crocker and Zack)
Zack: Okay, okay. We'll make it up to all of you, we'll let you all go. (deactivates his electrical cage freeing everyone) There, no harm, no foul.
Erika: (as she holds her phone) That's not gonna be enough, Zack.
Zack: Sweetheart, what's with the phone?
Erika: That's Mrs. Harrison to you, buster.
Zack: Mrs.? But you're not even a Harrison anymore!
Erika: I kept the name.
(the police arrived)
Erika: And you've disgraced it.
(Rebecca and Chief Marmel handcuffed Zack)
Erika: I don't ever want to see his face again.
(the police take Zack away)
Crocker: I'm starting to sense strange deja vu...
Timmy: (placed the police helicopter's grappling hook onto the back of Crocker's belt) And there it is.
Crocker: (as he's being risen up) Curse you, deja vu!
Elmer: Ivan, Tootie, you might have been forced to make a big birthday party...
Sanjay: But you got to give them credit though. This was the best birthday party ever!
Ivan: What are you kidding, with friends and family around, this is better than the best birthday party ever! Am I right, everyone?!
Everyone: (as they carry Ivan and Tootie chanting their name walking out of the building) Ivan! Tootie! Ivan! Tootie! Ivan! Tootie!
Vicky: (while still in disguise) Ugh! This is what I get for leaving the work to two crazy fairy obsessed people to ruin someone else's day!
(Timantha noticed Vicky's voice from the rat mascot outfit and whispers to Cosmo and Wanda; wishing noise was off-screen)
Vicky: But sooner or later, they'll all know I'm the superior one in the family!
Timantha: Hey, superior one, catch!
(Timantha throws a Timmy doll at Vicky and she catches it)
Timmy doll: Icky evil redheads are inferior to birthday parties.
Timantha: Oh, Doidle, a nice fresh Timmy doll for you.
(Doidle pounces on Vicky to chew on the Timmy doll)
Vicky: No! Stop it, Doidle! Bad dog!
(Doidle jumps off of Vicky and walks away with the doll in his mouth; Vicky gets up, but the mascot head slipped out of her, revealing her face)
Nicky and John: Vicky?!
Vicky: Um, is it not too late for cake?
(Ivan, Tootie, Chloe, Timmy, Timantha, Chester, A.J. and the disguised fairies were walking on the sidewalk)
A.J.: Great birthday party, guys!
Chester: Yeah, it was the best you two ever gotten so far in your lives. (looks down and sees a trail of tears) Oh, watch out you don't slip on your sister's tears, Tootie.
(the kids walk past the Miller's house seeing Nicky and John scold Vicky)
Nicky: (as Vicky cries) Of all the birthdays you've ruined in the past, I can't believe you...
Tootie: I hate to borrow someone else's catchphrase, but... (points) Ha ha!
Chester: Man, the sun sure is going down fast. We better head on home.
A.J.: Later, guys.
Wanda: Well, Vicky's grounded, Crocker and Zack are being questioned and Ivan and Tootie finally had a tremendous birthday party!
Cosmo: And best of all, the magic of guilt was never involved.
(the background shows Zack trying to run from the cops until he ran into a fence hard while he wasn't looking and passed out)
Wanda: Ooh, looks like someone deserves to be in a coma tonight.
Tootie: I want to thank you guys for giving me the best birthday of my life. I couldn't have made a better wish. Speaking of which, I wish you three were Ivan and Chloe's fairies again.
(Astronov, Neptunia and Sunny raise their wands; GIFT IN RETURN!; Astronov, Neptunia and Sunny appear in between Ivan and Chloe)
Chloe: Thanks, Tootie.
Tootie: No, thank you for helping me have a better birthday.
Chloe: (as she and Tootie hug) My pleasure.
Neptunia: Got room for 3, 4 and 5?
(Astronov, Neptunia and Sunny joined in the hug)
(Timmy and Tootie sitting together in the sunset)
Timmy: I gotta say, Tootie, when I first noticed that you were twice as miserable as me, thanks to Vicky, I was starting to see that you and I aren't so different, personalities aside.
Tootie: I always thought the same thing. So, do you want to know what I wished for when Ivan and I blew out our candles?
Timmy: No need to say it. I'll just show it to you instead. Only this time, it's not by force. Happy birthday, Tootie. (kisses Tootie on the cheek)
(camera pulls out showing the full background as Timmy kisses Tootie; screen fades to black in heart shape)
(black background appears as the police helicopter still drags Mr. Crocker, who's still attached to the hook)
Crocker: This humiliation would be embarrassing to watch on the news, even by my standards.