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B.J./Quotes

(Bucky McBadbat Stadium; family and friends watching baseball)
Announcer #1: Wow! It looks like the Dimmsdale Ducks have made another home run! What an astonishing day for baseball!
Announcer #2: Indeed it is. If this was a field trip for kids this Friday, I'd be in goosebumps.
(kids cheer)
Marty: She's right, I can feel it in my arms right now.
Otto: What a great way to spend a Friday field trip.
Tommy: And we get to volunteer to sell this food while watching the game.
Greg: Are you kidding? I can hardly relax my legs while trying to watch the game.
D.J.: Well, at least it's better than (points) Charlie's job.
(camera points to Charlie in the Dimmsdale Ducks mascot outfit)
Announcer #2: And here comes the Dimmsdale Ducks mascot. If I were him, I'd watch where I'm going while wearing that outfit.
(the Dimmsdale Ducks ran over Charlie; Charlie lies on the ground injured; he pulls his face up and spits grass out of his mouth)
Charlie: (drowsy) Go volunteer as a mascot. It'll be fun. You'll meet hot cheerleaders. (drops his face with a thud)
(camera points to the girls with the fairies in disguise)
Tammy: The boys sure do love this field trip.
Cosmo: And the food.
Mitzie: We're really getting lucky. Our team sure is killing it out there. (gets up and shouts to the losing team) Yeah, if you guys want to be athletic, you should stick to doing more crunches!
Blonda: Hardly any of them look like they joined a gym.
(an off-screen bat swing was heard)
Announcer #1: Hold on to your hats, there goes the ball coming towards the audience!
Otto: It's coming right toward us!
(the boys take off their food stands and reach for the ball; the ball drop in between them; the all clobber each other off-screen until Greg pops up with the ball)
Greg: Yeah! I got it! Hope that wasn't a foul.
D.J.: (pop up with no hair) Ah, man! It slipped out of my hands! I should've got that ball.
(the boys gasp; camera points to the girls and fairies gasping)
D.J.: What? (his eyes went wide open; he touched his head and looked down noticing his hair popped off)
(everyone in the stadium minus D.J.'s friends and their fairies laugh; Charlie on-screen laughs; Amanda laughs but Jessie elbow hits her making her stop laughing at D.J., who makes a slowly increasing horrified scream and runs off)
Neptunia: Wow. I guess all this time we should've called him "B.J." You know, "B" as in bald?
(everyone glares at Neptunia)
Neptunia: (sharply inhales) Ooh. Too soon. Sorry.
Astronov: Also inappropriate.

(scene cuts the the middle of the street with D.J. sadly sitting on the sidewalk with his friends comforting him)
D.J.: Man, yesterday was a horror show to me. I'm a total laughing stock ever since my hair popped out of my head. I can't leave home without getting harassed, (kids on bikes show up laughing and taking pictures of D.J. and take off) I'm not invited to dee jays parties anymore, I can't even turn on my phone without strangers making fun of me. (pulls out his phone) Oh, got another insult picture from Charlie. How did he even get my phone number?!
Tammy: We're really sorry about what happened yesterday.
Amanda: Yeah, I'm sure everything will be fine for the time being.
Tommy: We're here to support you.
D.J.: Yeah, maybe you're right. I'm clearly exaggerating. And as soon as my hair grows back, everything will be just like it used to be. (walk out) I'll be seeing you guys.
(everyone waves goodbye as D.J. and C.J. walk home)
(the Jame's house)
Charlotte: So, how was your day?
D.J.: Just had the advice to stay positive.
C.J.: Yeah, as soon as David's hair grows back, things will be normal in his life again.
A.J.: Oh, I feared this day would come.
D.J.: W-what are you talking about, Dad?
A.J.: Your hair's not going to grow back, son.
D.J. and C.J.: What?
C.J.: (chuckles) You messing with him. Aren't you?
(A.J. silently stares)
C.J.: Guess not.
Charlotte: Honey, what do you mean David's hair not going to grow back?
A.J.: I have a confession to make. Sit down.
(the whole family sits on the couch)
A.J.: You see, it started ten years ago when you two were born and in the hospital.
(flashback ten years ago at the hospital; twenty year old A.J. and Charlotte carrying baby David and Celia)
A.J.: (voice) The doctor told us about David's condition, that he is never going to grow any hair for the rest of his life.
Young Charlotte: Looks like that makes another hairless member of this family.
Young A.J.: (looks down at baby David who is cooing; silently talks to himself) I don't think so.
(scene skips to A.J.'s lab as he has baby David on a chair while he holds a cup with experimental chemicals)
A.J.: (voice) So, I did what I had to do.
(A.J. drop a pint of chemicals on David's head)
(flashback over)
A.J.: By the time you turned three, you grew hair.
Charlotte: You used science chemicals on our own son and you didn't even tell me?! Why? And I want the truth.
A.J.: The truth? Well uh...
(Charlotte gives A.J. a look)
A.J.: (sigh) Okay, it's because I was worried. Worried that David might go through the same type of stuff I went through as a kid. Constantly made fun of for being hairless, not being invited to certain types of clubs, all of that. I'm sorry I didn't tell you all sooner.
D.J.: Well, that type of stuff just happened to me yesterday after that baseball incident. And if being bald is who I really am, then there's no point for me going back to my life anymore! (runs to his room)
Charlotte: David!
(D.J. slams the door shut)
(C.J. walks to his door, slightly opening it and seeing her brother lying on the ground, depressed)
C.J.: Oh...

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