A Taste of Fakery/Quotes

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A Taste of Fakery/Quotes

(Dimmsdale Dump)

(Timmy and friends walking Ivan inside)

Ivan: Guys, what are we doing in this junkyard?

Chester: You'll see.

(at this point, Mark Chang is flying in his spaceship in the sky, lands in the junkyard and comes out of his spaceship)

Mark Chang: Yo! Earth buds! Wassap?

(Ivan screams)

Wanda: Don't be alarmed, Ivan. That's Mark Chang, he's an alien from a strange planet known as Yugopotamia.

Astronov: Is he friendly?

Timmy: Of course! I'm his best friend.

Ivan: Wow, a real life alien! Or is that some kind of cheesy Halloween costume?

Mark Chang: Like, I can tell you now, it's not a Halloween costume. This is how I normally look!

Ivan: Okay then. My name's Ivan Prestonovich. I'm a Russian kid who came to live here in Dimmsdale, and I have fairy godparents, just like Timmy. My fairy godfather is Astronov, who is pretty smart, but a bit strict.

Astronov: I once made him recite the whole book of Da Rules by heart.

Ivan: It wasn't easy, and it was like reading "War and Peace". I also have a fairy godmother, known as Neptunia. Neptunia's a bit more playful, kind of a klutz, and she's very pretty.

Neptunia: Y'know, Mark, I think you're kind of cute. (to Astronov) No offense, darling.

Mark Chang: That's okay. Like, it's cool that I have 2 friends with fairy godparents. I feel kind of hungry.

Ivan: Hang on, Mark. (pulls out an apple) Want an apple?

Mark Chang: No!

Ivan: I seem to like them. (puts the apple away, pulls out a chocolate bar) What about chocolate?

Mark Chang: AHHHH! THE DREADED CHOCOLATE! ANYTHING BUT THAT!

Ivan: What's his problem? Is he lactose intolerant?

Timmy: His species eat different food from ours, they usually eat what we find disgusting. They won't eat chocolate, because it's poison for Yugopotamians. (whispers) He likes to eat garbage. (normal) And yes, Yugopotamians are probably lactose intolerant.

Ivan: Okay... (puts the chocolate bar away, then pulls out a used coffee filter) What about this used coffee filter? It's technically considered garbage.

Mark Chang: Now this is more like it! (eats the coffee filter) Yummy!

Tootie: Ew, gross!

---

Neptunia: So, is it true that you can transform into anyone or anything?

Mark Chang: Yes, and it's all thanks to the Fake-i-fier! Wanna see me turn into a flower pot? (activates the Fake-i-fier, turns the dial to "FLOWER POT", and transforms into a flower pot) Or a refrigerator? (turns the dial to "REFRIGERATOR", and transforms into a refrigerator) Maybe into a Ninja Turtle? (turns the dial to "DONATELLO (NINJA TURTLE)", and transforms into Donatello from TMNT, then pushes the reset button, and the dial changes to "MARK CHANG", changing him back into his normal self) This thing can transform you into anything you can imagine!

Ivan: Even an orange bobcat with an exclamation mark shirt?

Mark Chang: Yeah, although I don't recommend doing that. Here, you give it a try.

Ivan: Okay. (puts on the Fake-i-fier, turns the dial to "GARBAGE CAN", transforms into a garbage can, Chester laughs heartly, then hugs Ivan, changing him back) Hey, why did I transform back? What's wrong with this thing?

Mark Chang: You see, the Fake-i-fier malfunctions when you show affection, like a hug or a kiss from a girl.

Ivan: Well, that stinks. Hey, as long you don't transform me into an attractive female scientist-slash-ghost hunter! (laughs, Mark turns the dial to "MADDIE FENTON" and Ivan transforms into Maddie Fenton from Danny Phantom. Ivan is not amused and resets the dial to "IVAN PRESTONOVICH", changing back) Hardy-har, Mark.

Mark Chang: What, you got a problem with jumpsuits?

Ivan: No, of course not! I just feel uncomfortable when I transform into a girl or a woman. Why don't you and Timmy make an improved version of the Fake-i-fier?

Cosmo: That's a great idea! (poofs Timmy a lab coat)

Timmy: Let's get to work!

(montage of Timmy and Mark Chang fiddling with the Fake-i-fier)

---

Mark Chang: Children, BEHOLD! The Fake-i-fier 2.0!

Chester: ...It looks exactly the same.

A.J.: What makes it different from the first Fake-i-fier?

Timmy: This thing no longer malfunctions from affection, but this time, from physical pain.

Poof: Can you prove it?

Mark Chang: Yes, but we need volunteers. (thinking, points towards Chester) Probably him.

Chester: Oh dear... (he puts on the Fake-i-fier 2.0)

Timmy: Now set it to anyone you want.

Chester: Anyone?

Timmy: Yeah, for example, you can turn into me.

Chester: Okay. (turns the dial to "TIMMY TURNER")

Timmy: If you want to transform, you have to press a button to do just that.

Chester: (pushes a button, transforms into Timmy; in Timmy's voice) It works, so far.

Mark Chang: Okay. Test #1: Affection. See if this thing can handle affection. Tootie will demonstrate. Don't worry, she won't give you any hives.

Tootie: (looks at Timmy and Chester as Timmy) Which one is Chester?

Timmy: Over there, I'm in the lab coat. (points to his right, Tootie goes to Chester in disguise, hugs him, then kisses him for 5 seconds. Nothing seems to happen)

Tootie: It didn't malfunction.

Timmy: That's good.

Chester: (as Timmy, in Timmy's voice) Wow, it seems that this Fake-i-fier thing has given me immunity to hives!

Timmy: Uh, yes, that too. Test #1 is now complete!

Mark Chang: Now I can go out with girls without fear of affection ruining my disguise. Next up, test #2: Physical Endurance. Let's see if this thing can handle pain and malfunction.

Ivan: Please forgive me, Chester. (punches Chester a few times, who yells in agony and transforms into random things everytime Ivan punches him, like a sponge, a punching bag and a computer, then Chester transforms into Timmy after a few seconds) Now for the finishing move. (pulls out a needle and pokes Chester in the finger, who then yells in Timmy's voice and changes back) Test #2 is now a success. (throws the old Fake-i-fier in the garbage, puts a bandage on Chester's finger, while Vicky picks up the old Fake-i-fier from the trash in the background) There, there, it's not so bad, it'll heal very soon. Again, I'm sorry.

Chester: It's okay, I've been through worse situations.

Timmy: You can also use the on-board keyboard to transform into anyone or anything. (types in the words "RECYCLE BIN" and pushes the button on Chester, transforming him into a recycle bin) See? (resets the dial, Chester changes back)

Chester: Yeah, I have a feeling that this may come in handy for some Yugopotamians!

Mark Chang: And now, the final test, test #3: Food Digestion!

Chester: Oh, boy! (uses his fake-i-fier to transform into a Yugopotamian)

Mark Chang: Here you go, (pulls out a bowl of dirt) bon appetit!

(Chester almost throws up)

Chester: Are you kidding me?! I know that I often eat from the trash, but even I have my limits. I won't eat dirt.

Timmy: Now, now, Chester. Man up, and eat it. Don't be a coward.

Chester: Okay. (eats the dirt) Man, that was the most disgusting...(nearly throws up, but doesn't) Scratch that, that's the most boudacious food ever!

Mark Chang: Test #3 is now passed!

Ivan: What did it do, Timmy?

Timmy: Well, the Fake-i-fier tries to adapt the species' favorite type of food to suit their tastes. For instance, if you're a human disguised as a Yugopotamian and you eat their favorite food, it'll try to adapt the food to the humans' taste and not make it poisonous.

---

Ivan: That was fun! I forgot to ask this beforehand, Mark Chang, but what are you doing here in Dimmsdale, anyway?

Mark Chang: You see, Ivan, I'm, like, on the run from my family.

Ivan: Why? That sounds very absurd!

Mark Chang: I'm running from them because they're forcing me to marry the evil Princess Mandie again, who's quite hideous. Here's a photo of her. (hands Ivan a photo of Princess Mandie, his eyes and mouth go wide open, and his glasses fall off)

Ivan: Hideous? (puts his glasses back on) Are you off your nut?! She's beautiful! Mandie looks like she came from an 80's album cover or a music video for an 80's rock song!

Mark Chang: Well, by human standards, yeah, she is beautiful, but not by Yugopotamian standards!

Ivan: Wait, if she's an alien, why doesn't she look like your kind?

Mark Chang: She's from another planet, Boudacia, which is not very far from my home planet. Her species, Boudacians, are quite different from mine.

Ivan: I understand.

Astronov: If I ever meet that woman, I only look at her once, and tell her to go back where she came from. (to Neptunia) Because I have a wife that's just as beautiful, but nowhere near as evil.

Neptunia: You got that right! (kisses Astronov on the cheek)

Timmy: Wait. Princess Mandie's now trying to marry you again? What happened? I thought she was imprisoned!

Mark Chang: Well, she was, until I've heard that her parents showed up in my home planet and ordered her to get paroled. Apparently, they would've torn up the peace treaty between Boudacia and Yugopotamia if our kind didn't comply. So, they let Mandie out, on the account that she doesn't try that same thing last time she tried to marry me. Mandie didn't truly love me, anyway.

Ivan: Now, how am I gonna deal with Princess Mandie and your parents, Mark? Wait, the Fake-i-fier 2.0 you just invented! I wish I had one! (Neptunia and Astronov poof a Fake-i-fier 2.0 to him, who then puts it on) I have a plan. I'll go, disguised as you, while you stay on Earth.

Neptunia: We'll accompany him just in case. (she and Astronov transform into Yugopotamians)

Mark Chang: But, like, what if Mandie wants to hold hands?

Ivan: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.

Mark Chang: What if she wants to kiss?

Ivan: I'm so prepared to make that sacrifice!

Mark Chang: What if she...?

Ivan: Look, Mark, you don't want to know how far I'll go. (types in the words "MARK CHANG", and pushes the button, transforming into Mark) Well, dude, you better hide. It seems that Mandie's coming.

---

(when the Boudacian ship lands, Timmy, Mark and others take cover, with Ivan disguised as Mark, and his fairies as Yugopotamians remaining. Mandie comes out of the ship)

Mandie: So, Mark, we meet again.

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Uhh, hi, Mandie.

Mandie: Listen, I'm sorry about what happened last time, and I want to make it up to you.

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Like, for real?

Mandie: Yeah. When I was imprisoned, I had to think over my decisions. (referring to Astronov and Neptunia) Who are they?

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Oh, you mean them? Those are my new friends, uh, Jake, and uh...Lacey.

Astronov: Where did he come up with those names?

Neptunia: Probably from some TV show.

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Just ignore 'em.

Mandie: Okay, Mark, marry...

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Yeah, yeah, I know, "marry me or die", I get it. Listen, there's something I need to tell you.

Mandie: What's that, Mark?

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Princess Mandie...I LOVE YOU!!!

Mandie: You do?

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Yes, I do! I think you're very beautiful!

Mandie: That's strange. Usually, you've said that I was hideous!

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Well, I learned to accept that it's not what's on the outside that's considered beautiful, it's what's on the inside that counts.

Mandie: Wow. That's quite noble of you. You're not gonna leave me at the altar, are you?

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Don't worry, Mandie. I've changed. I promise that I'll never leave you at the altar ever again.

Mandie: That's so sweet of you, Mark. Let's go to-wait a second, this better not be some trick again. (kisses Ivan disguised as Mark on the forehead, nothing happens) Wow, it is you!

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) You know it, babe!

Mandie: As I was saying, let's go to your home planet so that we can all celebrate, and you could become the king of Yugopotamia, and I'll be it's queen!

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Круто! (Cool!)

Mandie: Mark, did you learn how to speak Russian?

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Da, of course, Mandie. Can my friends come too?

Mandie: Sure, I don't see why not. By the way, Mark, where'd you get those glasses?

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Oh, I stole them from some kid. I need them for reading.

Mandie: I see.

---

(when Ivan and his fairies fly with Mandie to Yugopotamia)

Astronov: So, Mandie, that's your real name, Princess Mandie?

Mandie: Well, that name is for your and human sake.

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) So, your species in Boudacia have a language of their own?

Mandie: Yeah. It sounds like this. (makes a bunch of weird noises)

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Ugh, sounds horrible.

Mandie: I know, I'm not very fluent in my planet's native language. The Boudacians also speak English and Russian.

Neptunia: That's good to know.

---

(Ivan, Astronov and Neptunia walks to King Gripullon and Queen Jipjorrulac)

Gripullon: Well, looks like someone has come to his senses and decided to be a married man. (whispers) If you ever feel tired, feel free to make her feed you bon-bons.

Jipjorrulac: Oh, my son is finally getting married. I'm so happy. (inhales and nearly screams then sees the disguised Astronov and Neptunia) Wait. Who are they?

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Oh, this is Jake and Lacey. My best friends.

Jeff: (heard) What? (seen on-screen) But dude, Erik and I are your best friends.

Erik: Yeah, I've never seen these two before.

Astronov: (panicking) Uh, we're actually Mark's backup friends.

Neptunia: Yeah, whenever you two aren't around, Jake and I will be there to support Mark.

Erik: Oh, well that makes it sound a lot better.

Mandie: And guess who else is coming for the wedding?

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Uh...

Mandie: My parents! Meet the King and Queen of Boudacia, King Furshed and Queen Avacadustrecholum.

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Ava-whotus-strecho-what now?

Boudacian Queen: You can just call me by my pet name, April.

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Okay.

King Furshed: So, you're the one who took away leaving my daughter in a fit of rage?

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Yes, but I've learned not to run from my mistakes.

Mandie: Good, now, what do you say we remake our wedding? Cause if you change your mind and not willing to have this, your gonna get some of (hair turns to fire) THIS! GOT IT?!

Ivan: (as Mark terrified along with Astronov and Neptunia) Yes.

Mandie: (hair turns back to normal) Good.

---

(Wedding)

Wedding Minister: I now pronounce you King and Queen.

Mandie: Yes! (kisses the disguised Ivan)

(everyone cheers)

Queen Jipjorrulcac: Now I'm really in a screaming mood. Aaaaahhhhhh!

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Being a Yugopotamian sure is awesome. Now that I'm king who is actually just a kid disguised as an alien on the run, I get to do whatever I want.

Mandie: And the first thing to do for our honeymoon is to destroy the Earth.

Ivan, Astronov and Neptunia: What?!

King Furshed: Yes, it's a Yugopotamian/Boudacian code: For if these two get together, the main step of being absolute ruler is to destroy the Earth.

Ivan: (disguised as Mark) Oh, now where can I get some ice cream?

King Gripullon: Wait a minute, something smells and it isn't the swamp monsters Jeremy and his sister Heather. Mark hates ice cream. He always makes a shrew comment about flavors and for the way it melts.

(Yugopotamians and Boudacians surround the disguised Ivan)

Erik: That's because this isn't Mark Chang, your majesty.

Jeff: Yeah, he's clearly an imposter! (snatches the Fake-I-fier 2.0)

(Ivan turns back to normal; everyone gasps)

Ivan: Uh, ta-da!

Mandie: I should've known. A human being filling in for Mark. (looks at Astronov and Neptunia) And I take it that you two are in disguises as well! (pulls up her anti-disguise ray and blasts Astronov and Neptunia turning them back to normal) Great. More of Mark's buck-tooth pal's floating friends.

Ivan: Actually, they belong to me.

Queen April: They won't be once we deal with you.

(King Furshed throws a cube near Astronov and Neptunia; the cube turns into an electrical cage; Astronov and Neptunia raise their wands to escape but makes a raspberry)

Astronov: Ivan, quick! Go back to Earth and get some back-up!

Ivan: (surrounded) That might be a problem here.

Jeff: There's no escape, dude.

Erik: Hopefully humans don't taste as bad as their food.

(Ivan hearing thoughts in his head)

Ivan: (thoughts) Want an apple?

Mark: (thoughts) No!

Ivan: (thoughts) What about chocolate?

Mark: (thoughts) AHHHH! THE DREADED CHOCOLATE! ANYTHING BUT THAT!

Timmy: (thoughts) His species eat different food from ours, they usually eat what we find disgusting. They won't eat chocolate, because it's poison for Yugopotamians.

Ivan: Of course. (pulls up an apple and chocolate from his pocket) Nobody move! I have Earth food and I'm not afraid to use it.

(Yugopotamians and Boudacians run away screaming)

(Ivan quickly ran to one of the ships and took off; the "Just Married" sign fell off from the escaped ship)

(Mandie chases after Ivan with her ship; Ivan warped into hyper speed with his ship to Earth; Mandie growls in anger)

---

(Dimmsdale Dump)

Mark Chang: And that's why ice cream gives Yugopotamians nomoneia.

A.J.: Interesting.

(Ivan's ship crash lands; Ivan pops out from the broken glass)

Ivan: (standing on his knees) Ugh! I sure hope whoever owns that ship has extraterrestrial insurance.

Timmy: Ivan, what's going on? And where's Astronov and Neptunia?

Ivan: They've been kidnapped! I've blown my cover and now Mandie's on her way right now!

(Mandie's ship lands; door opens showing Mandie; everyone screams)

Mandie: (to Mark) You! (jumps flips right in front of Mark) You've escaped from my fiery clutches for far too long Mark Chang! (pulls out her sharp claws) You and your Earth friends are history!

Mark Chang: Uh, I think my brain just inked a little.

Ivan: Now, hold on. I'm the one you want at this time. If you want to hurt Mark, you'll have to go through me!

Mandie: Oh, I intend to, once Mark Chang is out of the picture.

Timmy: Wait! Hear us out. Instead of wanting to destroy us and the Earth, how about we settle this with a De-Chah-Fat?

Mandie: A what?

Timmy: Oh, now I've misspelled it.

Mark Chang: What he meant to say, was Death Combat.

Timmy: We Earthlings along with Mark vs you. We win, you call off the marriage from Mark for good. We lose, you can take away our lives.

Chester: What do you think you're doing, dude?

Timmy: Don't worry, I have a plan.

Mandie: It's a deal, but no help from your powerful floating friends. They can give you battle gear, but that's it.

Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, Poof, Ivan, Tootie, Chester and A.J.: You're on!

---

(Yugopotamian War Arena)

King Furshed: It's time for a battle!

(Mandie pulls her left antenna; elite battle gear suits up around her body while Timmy and other watch surprised)

Wanda: Okay, Timmy, you've got to think big, something that will slow down that suit of hers.

(Timmy whispers to Cosmo, Wanda and Poof)

Cosmo, Wanda and Poof: Ooooh.

(wands raised; POOF; Cosmo, Wanda and Poof combined as a giant armored suit with Timmy, Ivan, Chester, A.J. and Tootie in it)

Mandie: (laughs) Just what type of stuff your machinery can do?

(Timmy pulls a switch; Cosmo spits purple grapes out of his mouth to Mandies suit which electrocuted a little)

Chester: Taste fruit, soak scum!

A.J.: Alien scum.

Tootie: Whatever.

(Mandie snarls; blast a laser; A.J. quickly press a button pulling up a holographic banana and swings the laser back to Mandie; Mandie keeps attacking until she hits the fairies suit in the chest)

(fairies turn back to normal; Mandie walks near her opponents)

Mandie: I've toyed with you Earthlings long enough!

(Mandie's pulls up a fist getting ready to squash Timmy and others; Timmy, Ivan, Tootie, Chester and A.J. scream and grab a hold of each other; Tootie opens her eyes noticing Timmy's grabbing a hold of her then smiles; Ivan looks down and sees an apple, picks it up and raises it; Mandie's suits hand touches the apple by accident and her entire suit dissolves and explodes; Yugopotamians and Boudacians gasp as they see Mandie survive the explosion)

Mark Chang: Woah! Didn't see that coming.

Gripullon: Well, looks like the Earthlings have proven their worth yet again.

Jipjorrulac: (to the Boudacian King and Queen) It seems that you will have to spare their Earth for good.

April: It's a deal.

Furshed: Release the prisoners.

(Boudacians release Astronov and Neptunia; they fly to Ivan and hug him with relief)

April: As for you, young lady, you're coming with us for a little Boudacian thing.

Mandie: (taken away by her parents) You don't mean... No! Not scrubbing the Hydra's back! I'll get you Mark Chang! You hear me?! You and your friends will soon taste hair flames! Count on it!

(Mandie thrown inside a Boucadian ship; her parents walk in and fly away)

A.J.: That woman would not be a great Social Studies teacher.

Chester: But you gotta admit, she does dress well.

A.J.: Chester.

Chester: I'm just saying.

Erik: Dude, we're really sorry we nearly, you know... back then.

Jeff: Hope you can forgive us.

Ivan: I already have.

Mark Chang: Parental units, sorry for being on the run.

Gripullon: No need to apologize Mark.

Jipjorrulac: We should've known Mandie wouldn't change. And besides, you're a big boy now and you're free to do whatever you want.

Mark Chang: You mean, I can stay on Earth with my friends?

Gripullon: For as long as you want!

Mark Chang: Wicked! (to Timmy and others) Group hug, brahs!

(everyone hugs Mark, but he starts to burn when Timmy and friends hands touches Mark)

Mark Chang: Ahh! Ahh! (makes everyone let go) Never mind! (sigh) I was... kinda caught up in your... emotional humany moments.

Wanda: At least aliens don't have some weird stuff in their tears.

Poof: Yeah, like Foop's tears being made out of acid.

Mark Chang: We should really be prepared for Mandie's return.

Cosmo: Yeah, if that (to Wanda) not so pretty (to others) witch comes back, we will be ready to face her.

(Cosmo poofs up an orange jumpsuit for Mark and a blue jumpsuit for Ivan)

Ivan: You know, this doesn't look bad on me if I'm not disguised as a woman.

A.J.: I for one still find it kind of disturbing.

Mark Chang: You still got a problem with...

Ivan: (pulls out his hand in front of Mark cutting him off) Let me. You still got a problem with jumpsuits?

(everyone looks at each other with nothing to say)

(screen fades to black)

(Title Card ending)

Mark Chang: (heard during ending Title Card) Sheaugghhh!

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