A Bird Out of Jail/Quotes

(Dimmsdale Jail; Francis is in his cell, surrounded by other prisoners)
Francis: Today's the big day, I'm finally gonna walk out of prison after 12 years, and get my revenge on whoever put me in jail. Before I go, though, anyone wants to hear a story?
Prisoner #1: What story have you got for us this time, Francis?
Francis: (flashback) This story happened over 20 years ago, when I was a big, scary, horrifying child. It all started when I stole lunch money from my old nemesis, Timmy Turner. His girlfriend Tootie and his father tried to intervene, but failed. Mr. Turner tried to give me a stern talk instead of fighting me, as he was an adult and I was only a child at the time, but that gave me an advantage, so I beat Timmy's dad up, took his lunch money, his car, and eventually the deed to Timmy's home.
Prisoner #2: Wow, that's pretty impressive.
Francis: It sure was. One day, Timmy asked me to challenge him to a kung fu duel, getting all of his family's stuff back if he wins, and I'd get his goldfish if I win.
Prisoner #3: So, did you win?
Francis: I haven't finished my story yet. Anyway, the next day, Timmy arrived in his kung fu gear, but he wore a pink headband and a green belt for some reason. I arrived in my gear, with a chain belt. I was a karate teacher at the time. So, we began fighting, and so far, I had the upper hand. That is, until Tootie showed up. I grabbed her, and I was preparing to punch her.
Prisoner #1: (interrupting the flashback) Wait, you were going to hit a girl?!
Francis: It's in my blood.
Prisoner #3: That's low, Francis.
Prisoner #2: Yeah, even I wouldn't hit a girl.
Francis: Well, I'll be honest, it wasn't very smart of me. I got suspended from school four times, three for bullying girls, and once more for hitting a girl. Plus, my father used to hit women except for my mom. Anyway, back to my story. (resumes flashback) Me attempting to hit Tootie ended up handicapping my karate skills. Because Timmy Turner was now using kung fu defensively and not for vengeance like he did earlier, he eventually defeated me by using a tether ball to knock me out. Timmy's parents got their house and car back, and I was forced to clean up Timmy's home. (the flashback ends)
Prisoner #2: That's a great story, Francis.
Prisoner #1: Too bad you didn't win.
Francis: That was a good hostile takeover while it lasted.
(a prison guard opens Francis' cell)
Prison Guard: Francis Callahan, you're free to go.
Francis: Well, this is it. I'm going back outside the slammer.
Prison Guard: Y'know, you wouldn't have been sitting here for 12 years if you didn't rob Britney Britney's house and blamed Timmy Turner for it.
Francis: At least I'm not crying for my parents.
Prison Guard: Point taken.
Francis: I'm really gonna miss you, guys.
Prisoner #3: Us too, Francis.
Prison Guard: Now get out and don't come back until you somehow commit another serious crime.

(Francis arrives where his house used to be and sees a huge mansion behind a high wall)
Francis: Hmm, they must be feeling pretty welcome to see me. (rings the doorbell; gets catapulted into the air) Or not. It's just like Trixie Tang's mansion all over again. I'm breaking in! (climbs over the high wall and enters the mansion by door) Hello, I believe a welcoming party is in order.
Mansion Owner: Who are you? What are you doing here?!
Francis: I'm Francis Callahan, I just got out of prison, and I used to live here.
Mansion Owner: I don't know what you're talking about, sir. I own this mansion. Your house was demolished years ago so that I could build a huge mansion in place of it.
Francis: You mean I'm not welcome here?
Mansion Owner: No. You're not welcome here at all. Security, get this guy off my property!
(Two security guards appear and kick Francis out of the mansion and the yard)
Francis: Darn. So much for the thought of living in luxury.

(Francis approaches a phone booth and notices the text above the phone which says...)
Francis: (reading) "$40 per minute". Looks like phone calls have gotten really expensive since my time in prison. Ah, what the heck. (puts $40 into the phone and dials a number)
Larry: (voicemail) You have reached the phone number of Larry Callahan. And if this is my son Francis, calling to tell me that he's been released from prison, let me tell you, son, you have put the Callahan family to shame! Framing Timmy Turner for a crime you've committed? Really?! At least when I get arrested for a crime I committed, I come clean and honest. That's just low, Francis. Don't bother coming down to me and Sheila at the retirement home, you're not welcome in our family anymore. And if you're wondering, Mange is dead. Find your own life and live it. You're a grown man now, start living like one! But, if this is someone else, please, leave a message after the tone. (beep)
Francis: (hangs up) Well, looks like only one person can help me now - Crocker.

(Francis arrives at Crocker's house, which is now in better condition than it was 20 years ago, and is greeted by Denzel Crocker in a robot body, with a jar as his helmet)
Francis: Mr. Crocker?
Denzel: Hello, Callahan. Released from jail, I see?
Francis: Yes. What happened to you?
Denzel: Kevin make a robot body for me after I started to become frail.
Francis: Oh, okay. I just came here to rest for a bit. I like what you've done with the place, it looks a lot better than it did 20 years ago.
Denzel: Thanks, it's mostly my nephew Kevin who cleaned it up. Make yourself at home, Francis. (goes and gets a laptop and places it on a desk. A modem in the laptop beeps and an image of Dolores-Day's face in teal appears on the screen)
Dolores: Hi! You must be the former school bully, Francis.
Francis: Duh. (to Denzel) Your mom's a computer now?
Denzel: Yes. After mother passed away, Kevin wrote an A.I. program based on her personality into a laptop that he bought for me. Honestly, he really shouldn't have done it.
Dolores: I heard that!
Denzel: Quiet, mother! (closes the laptop) Anyway, that makes us, Crockers, machines now, except for Kevin, and me, I'm only partially a machine.
Francis: Why is Kevin not a machine? And how about your son, Hector?
Denzel: Hector's doing fine, he's training himself to hunt FAIRY GODPARENTS!!! He's doing my job, since I'm not really cut for hunting magical creatures anymore.
Francis: And Kevin?
Denzel: He didn't become a machine, instead, he became a teacher at Dimmsdale Elementary, like me. Also, he's currently working on a body for my mother so that she could be like a human again. So, what brings you here?
Francis: I just came here to rest after spending 12 years in prison and find out who's the person responsible for putting me in a cell. I don't remember who put me in jail, but I hope to find out soon.
Denzel: Shouldn't you go somewhere else to rest, Callahan? Why are you resting here?
Francis: It's because I have nowhere else to go, since my house got demolished, and I barely have any money.
Denzel: That's too bad for you. Well, how did you end up in jail?
Francis: I robbed Britney Britney's house and blamed Timmy for it.
Denzel: Ah, yes, my arch nemesis. Did it work?
Francis: No. The cops found him innocent all along.
Denzel: Why is your house demolished and where are your parents?! Are they dead?
Francis: No, my parents are not dead, they're retired, and my dad's voicemail said I'm not welcome in my family anymore. As for my house being demolished, the cops found all my cats and most of them ended up being adopted or sold to the pet shop for some other owners. After getting rid of the cats, the cops took down my house, and, now, in it's place, all I see is a huge mansion with a huge yard. I wanted to go and live there, but that rich balding guy called security and they kicked me out. And that's why I came here. Let me ask you: do you know who's responsible for putting me in jail?
Denzel: Well, I'm not exactly a news follower, but I've read on the internet that the person responsible for your arrest was Jonathan Larsman, also known as Gravito.
Francis: I hope you're right, Mr. Crocker.
Denzel: Be careful, that Jonathan guy can be dangerous, as he's rumored to have superpowers. There's no way you'll be able to take him out alone. You're a karate teacher, right?
Francis: Yes.
Denzel: Why don't you open up a dojo? Just hire some troubled kids, teach them karate, and maybe you'll be able to stop Jonathan Larsman.
Francis: But how am I supposed to open up a dojo if I don't have any money?
Denzel: Don't worry, I came prepared for this. I've got a warehouse, don't ask me where I got it, and here's your paycheck, a total of $312,000. Make sure you spend that money wisely.
Francis: Thanks for your help, Mr. Crocker. But do you have any other information about Jonathan Larsman?
Denzel: No, except that his mom, Hilda, also known as Aero, is now the new chief of police. And I also heard that his mom has superpowers too.
Francis: What's her superpower? And what happened to Christopher Marmel, the old chief of police?
Denzel: Marmel retired, and Hilda's superpower is wind manipulation.
Francis: Oh... that sounds a bit dangerous. But, thanks again for the advice.
Denzel: Wait, Callahan. Before you leave, I have to remind you, don't hire the kids right away. You should think about training yourself to become a karate master. It takes only a few months.
Francis: I'll be sure to think about it, since my karate skills have gotten a bit rusty since my time in jail anyway. Bye, Mr. Crocker, it was nice seeing you again. (leaves)
Denzel: Likewise.

(Francis approaches an old, abandoned warehouse and enters it)
Francis: This place is a dump. But I'm gonna turn it into a dump with style and karate.
(montage of Francis purchasing stuff like supplies, karate equipment, gi uniforms and practicing karate in between purchases; 4 months later, the warehouse now has a sign that says "Chain Belt Dojo")
Francis: There. Now my Chain Belt Dojo is complete, with practice rooms and entertainment centers. It's now my own personal home. Time to print out some pamphlets and hire some recruits!

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